Well, another month has passed... how quickly the time goes! I'm now only 16 days out from the wedding, so I can about guarantee that unless W finds some inspiration to post something, it'll be at least another month until I'm back on here. So much to do and so much will change in the next month!
Today I have had the unbelievable pleasure to take a personal "retreat day" and to spend some time reading, writing, praying, listening, and doing various other spiritual development activities. Our team at work holds each other accountable to take these days once a quarter, and it might seriously be my favorite part of my job. It is an incredible gift to be periodically forced to slow down and get reoriented in my faith and walk with God. This gift is even more appreciated in these ever-hectic days leading up to our wedding.
So, today I've read a few chapters of The Five Love Languages, listened to a sermon from Willow Creek's Intimate Encounters marriage conference, read through the whole book of Song of Solomon, and before the day is out I'll read and pray through the scripture options that my fiance and I have narrowed down for our ceremony. All these things will ensure I end up with a healthy and happy marriage, right?!
Just kidding on that. But seriously, I've been desperately trying to wrap my head around everything that has been happening lately. I normally pride myself (for better or worse) on being the kind of person that's always in control, always on top of things, always has the answers, always completes tasks before they're due, etc. Well, I had grand plans for being this way during engagement and let's just say that my reality these past few months has been... not that way. Perhaps if I had hired a wedding planner or was working only part-time or had an engagement longer than 6.5 months I'd be more successful at being the "wonder-bride" that I imagined myself to be?
In any case, the reality is that I've been doing the best I can and mostly just hanging on for dear life these last few months. And honestly, I've hated it... not the engagement itself, but feeling constantly like I'm dropping the ball, failing at everything, and letting people down. It is not the way that I prefer to operate.
Yet, I had a thought the other day that has really changed my perspective on this out-of-control environment that I'm living in. I was listening to one of my new favorite worship songs (called "Cornerstone" by Hillsong) and the first part of the chorus says this:
"Christ alone, Cornerstone
Weak made strong in the Savior's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all."
And it hit me... this season is a storm. I had never thought of it that way because, in my mind, the word "storm" implies some terrible disaster. I felt like illness or job loss or grief or heartbreak was grounds for a "storm"... not such a fun and exciting time as engagement. Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I recognized that these last couple of months have felt just like I'm caught in a tornado or hurricane. I literally feel like every day there are real, important parts of my past, current, and future circumstances just flying past my head... and I have little time or energy to try to grab at them. My world is spinning and changing at such a rate that I'm helpless to do much but try to stay safely in the eye of the storm and watch it all happen.
Yet, for some reason naming this season as the storm that it is has given me hope. It reminds me that Christ is the Lord of this storm and He is Lord of all these things that I have little power to control right now. Christ is Lord of my wedding day and Lord of my health and Lord of my marriage. He is Lord of my time and Lord of my living situation. He is Lord of all.
Moreover, He will be most glorified not through my futile attempts at being wonder-bride, but at my sitting down and trusting Him with my life right now. The more I'm able to just receive His blessings (without feeling like I need to work to deserve them) the more He shines as the gracious Giver and the One who loved first. You know?
So, I will continue to hold on for dear life for these next 16 days, but my attention is no longer turned towards what semblance of control I can keep in my grasp, but instead to whom it is I am ultimately clinging. I pray that in the process, His power will be made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). What more can I ask for?
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The Breath of Life, by M
About once every 2-3 months I’m reminded that I need to loosen the grip of control. Or, really, I should say that I get a spiritual conviction about this about once every 2-3 months. In my life otherwise I’m reminded of this approximately 4-5 times a week… whenever I encounter traffic jams, hidden onions, rainy weekends, and past-my-bedtime necessities. The reality is that I want everything to be under my control at all times, and despite my best intentions, I struggle to give this control up to God in things both little and large.
It’s all so dumb, isn’t it? The reality is that we rarely have any control over anything, let alone everything. Me wanting to control the weather for my beach vacation doesn’t mean that I actually have any control at all. Instead, this desire for control has the power to leave me frustrated and upset when things don’t go my way. Didn’t someone know that my plan was for it to be sunny and warm??
So, I’m well aware that desiring control is a fruitless, if not downright sinful endeavor. Controlling the things that are in your control is great. Everything else… wasted effort. I was reminded of this recently.
You see, it is very easy for me to get wrapped up spiritually in thinking that I’m responsible for others’ choices, behaviors, or even salvation. I’m not sure if this comes from my position of leadership in the church or my own nature of desiring to control things (probably both), but it’s something that I’m aware of is a temptation for me. I start off well-intentioned and thinking that I’m just doing (or attempting to do) God’s work here on earth. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Aren’t we His hands and His feet here? Next thing you know I’m up at night beating myself up about all the people around me whose lives aren’t changing. I think "well, if I were doing a better job of witnessing or evangelizing or making God ‘attractive’ wouldn’t people want to know Jesus? Wouldn’t I see more life change?" It’s bad. It’s a total lack of faith and a total belief in only that which I can see.
A couple of weeks ago I went to Passion City Church here in Atlanta and listened to Louie Giglio preach a sermon on the Gospel of John. He talked about how the Bible says that those who believe in Jesus are made alive in Him - "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." (John 5:24). Meaning, before our salvation, we were dead. He went on to say that no one raised themselves from the dead. They don’t choose to become un-dead, they don’t raise their hands and ask to be made alive again… they are straight-up dead. He made the point that we cannot boast or think that we have saved ourselves. No, God finds us, calls us, pursues us, and raises us to life... meanwhile, we're still just dead.
So I've been thinking recently about how this relates to my desire for control. The reality is that the people around me who are non-believers are yet "dead in their transgressions" (Ephesians 2:4); they have not yet crossed from death to life. This means that no matter how much spiritual "shaking" I do, they aren't waking up from my effort. Sometimes I feel like if I just try a little harder or turn up the volume a little more, they'll finally "wake up." The truth is that no one wakes the dead other than God himself.
This is comforting to me, but it's also convicting. I feel relief but also the temptation for apathy. I certainly don't think that this truth lets us (who are alive) off of the hook. The reality is that God can and does use us as His hands and feet, and that we very well may play integral roles in others' process of "waking up" to Christ. However, the reality also is that that first breath of eternal life must always come from God... and that is going to come on His terms and in His time.
So, I'm once again reminded that I need to release my grip of control to Him and His plan. Feeling like a failure for not doing more to raise others to life puts me and my works at the center of this universe. It creates an expectation that I am responsible for stirring that heart... and yet, I am not anyone's Savior. I am not meant to be. God will not yield to my agenda and time-frame. Moreover, can't I trust Him with others' salvation? He clearly did a fine job waking me to life.
I'm thinking, then, that I need to (once again) trust God to do what He says He will do. I need to believe in my heart that God desires for each and every one of his people to wake up to Him and follow Him... and that He is more than capable of accomplishing this. The wise words of John the Baptist remind me that, in order for me to truly aid in accomplishing God's purposes, "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)
It’s all so dumb, isn’t it? The reality is that we rarely have any control over anything, let alone everything. Me wanting to control the weather for my beach vacation doesn’t mean that I actually have any control at all. Instead, this desire for control has the power to leave me frustrated and upset when things don’t go my way. Didn’t someone know that my plan was for it to be sunny and warm??
So, I’m well aware that desiring control is a fruitless, if not downright sinful endeavor. Controlling the things that are in your control is great. Everything else… wasted effort. I was reminded of this recently.
You see, it is very easy for me to get wrapped up spiritually in thinking that I’m responsible for others’ choices, behaviors, or even salvation. I’m not sure if this comes from my position of leadership in the church or my own nature of desiring to control things (probably both), but it’s something that I’m aware of is a temptation for me. I start off well-intentioned and thinking that I’m just doing (or attempting to do) God’s work here on earth. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Aren’t we His hands and His feet here? Next thing you know I’m up at night beating myself up about all the people around me whose lives aren’t changing. I think "well, if I were doing a better job of witnessing or evangelizing or making God ‘attractive’ wouldn’t people want to know Jesus? Wouldn’t I see more life change?" It’s bad. It’s a total lack of faith and a total belief in only that which I can see.
A couple of weeks ago I went to Passion City Church here in Atlanta and listened to Louie Giglio preach a sermon on the Gospel of John. He talked about how the Bible says that those who believe in Jesus are made alive in Him - "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." (John 5:24). Meaning, before our salvation, we were dead. He went on to say that no one raised themselves from the dead. They don’t choose to become un-dead, they don’t raise their hands and ask to be made alive again… they are straight-up dead. He made the point that we cannot boast or think that we have saved ourselves. No, God finds us, calls us, pursues us, and raises us to life... meanwhile, we're still just dead.
So I've been thinking recently about how this relates to my desire for control. The reality is that the people around me who are non-believers are yet "dead in their transgressions" (Ephesians 2:4); they have not yet crossed from death to life. This means that no matter how much spiritual "shaking" I do, they aren't waking up from my effort. Sometimes I feel like if I just try a little harder or turn up the volume a little more, they'll finally "wake up." The truth is that no one wakes the dead other than God himself.
This is comforting to me, but it's also convicting. I feel relief but also the temptation for apathy. I certainly don't think that this truth lets us (who are alive) off of the hook. The reality is that God can and does use us as His hands and feet, and that we very well may play integral roles in others' process of "waking up" to Christ. However, the reality also is that that first breath of eternal life must always come from God... and that is going to come on His terms and in His time.
So, I'm once again reminded that I need to release my grip of control to Him and His plan. Feeling like a failure for not doing more to raise others to life puts me and my works at the center of this universe. It creates an expectation that I am responsible for stirring that heart... and yet, I am not anyone's Savior. I am not meant to be. God will not yield to my agenda and time-frame. Moreover, can't I trust Him with others' salvation? He clearly did a fine job waking me to life.
I'm thinking, then, that I need to (once again) trust God to do what He says He will do. I need to believe in my heart that God desires for each and every one of his people to wake up to Him and follow Him... and that He is more than capable of accomplishing this. The wise words of John the Baptist remind me that, in order for me to truly aid in accomplishing God's purposes, "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)
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