Beauty and Blessing, by M

 

I'm writing today as a married woman! Woo hoo! Actually, we've been married a little over a month now, which is crazy to think about. So many massive changes just in the last 33 days!

People have been asking me frequently about how married life is going and I tend to give them the same response - "It's been AWESOME! But of course, we were on the beach in paradise for half of it!" haha But, the reality is that while paradise (ie: French Polynesia) was awesome, marriage itself has been even more so. We are loving it and having the best, sweetest, richest time in these first few weeks. We could not feel more blessed or be more grateful... our cups are overflowing with goodness.

As I was reflecting on all of this during the honeymoon and trying to process how much has changed, I was reminded of a moment I had pretty much exactly three years earlier. In February/March of 2010, I was arguably at the lowest point of my adult life. Many of you know that story, so I'll spare the details here... but suffice it to say that I was totally and utterly broken. I didn't recognize myself physically, mentally, or emotionally. I ended up spending several months at home during that time to get back on my feet, and pretty much the week I got home, I was whisked off with my family to their pre-planned spring break trip to Mexico. It was a huge blessing. And during that trip I spent a lot of time reading, a lot of time eating (very much needed for me in those days!), and a lot of time sitting in this one hammock and looking out at the ocean and thinking. I remember gently swinging in that hammock and just thinking about how I wanted to trust in God's plan for me, but that I just didn't know how... because what I'd experienced of that plan so far was just too rough for my liking. I remember looking over the crystal water and knowing that God, who could make such beauty in this place, could certainly make my life beautiful, too. But how? When?

Over the next three years, time went by and my heart and body healed, and that moment faded into the background of a life that was becoming full. And I didn't think about it again as I moved to a new city and found new jobs, made new friends, went on dates with new people, and allowed God to remake me into a better version of who I was before. I became happy... I met my husband... and three years later I found myself in a hammock in French Polynesia, unable to do anything but marvel about how things have changed. In just a few years?!

I say all of this because I believe that if I could go back and talk to the young woman in the Mexican hammock, she probably wouldn't believe the story that I would have to tell her. It would seem probably like too much... too good to be true. Yet, that is my story. And it makes me want to shake myself (haha) and ask "why do I not have more faith!?" Why do I (even to this day) struggle with anxiety over the future when God has proven himself to be faithful? Not because He brought me a husband or He restored my health, but because He has written a story of redemption in my life... and He continues to do so each day. Even when you don't see it coming... even when it feels like the only direction you have been headed is down, God is moving in your life. He is worthy to be praised for that.

So, here is my praise for Him and the work He is doing in my life. And here is my challenge to myself and to others: you have no idea what God has cooking for you in the next three years. Trust Him. He is faithful.

 French Polynesia!

M's Baptism!

I mentioned in a recent post that I got baptized just a few days ago (okay, about 17 days ago)… it was a phenomenal experience! Before I write on and on about it, I want to share with you the video testimony that I made two weeks before the actual baptism. If you remember from my post about fear, this video played on the jumbo-tron for all to see, while I got situated in the baptismal pool. Remember how fearful and nervous I was about making this video? Of seeming stupid or tripping over my words or not effectively communicating God’s righteous works in my life? Well, you can judge for yourself, but I think my fears were unfounded. One of my good friends is the baptism coordinator/brilliant producer/editor of this clip… she did a great job! It turned out to be fantastic, if I do say so myself! (When you click the link, click twice on the arrow to the right of the three big pictures and it'll scroll to mine. Click on my picture and the video pops up!)

www.buckheadchurch.org/baptism

There you have it… my big day! It’s wonderful to have a copy of it to keep forever and show whomever I want to show it to in the future. Nice touch!

Since it all happened, I’ve been reflecting a bit on the experience and what it meant to me, to God and to others. I have a couple of thoughts…

First is that, honestly, I didn’t emerge from the pool feeling at all different from when I entered the pool… I mean, minus being a little cold and soaking wet. I didn’t wake up the next day to fireworks or lightening flashes… I’m not even sure that I feel any closer to God today than I did three weeks ago. At first this concerned me… I thought to myself “Um, okay… did that baptism not count or something? Why do I feel the same? I got full-body dunked!” Then it occurred to me… I think I should feel the same. Because, really, nothing necessarily changed in my heart or spiritual life the day I got baptized. My salvation was assured long before I was submerged… my relationship with Christ began some time ago… my heart was changed in the decision-making to do it, not necessarily in the doing of it. While baptism is a great and powerful statement of faith in Christ, it’s public nature making it an effective tool of Christian witness… it’s still nothing more than an act of obedience. And baptism doesn’t save. Obedience doesn’t save. Faith saves… Jesus saves. Getting dunked into a tub full of water doesn’t change that equation.

My second thought is that I hope and pray that God used and continues to use my testimony to reach some of His children. Truth time: I’ve always felt that my testimony is a little lame. Let’s face it… lots of people’s testimonies could be turned into big-screen blockbusters: the drugs! The sex! The saving power of Christ! Not mine. Nope. Boooooooring. There are times when I’ve thought that I’d be able to do more for Christ if I just had a moderately more exciting story to tell. It is what it is… and my hope is that maybe there was someone in the crowd who was lost like I was lost. The sneaky kind of lost that let’s the world tell you that you are, in fact, headed in just the right direction and doing a great job at it. My hope is that God can use my “boring” testimony to convince someone out there that we all need saved from ourselves… that we all have different breeds of self-destruction, whether it looks good or bad from the outside.

Lastly, if my aforementioned hope turns out unfulfilled (not that I’ll ever know one way or the other), I’m still 10000% confident that God called me to baptism, that I made the right choice to do it, and that God used it in my life for a purpose. I have been joking with friends that the whole process was such a great experience I would do it again and again if I could! Seriously, though. When I was standing in that pool, God granted me the precious gift of being able to see myself as His new creation. I cannot adequately express how overwhelmingly meaningful it was to me, to be able to see myself on film – a new, healthy, whole, happy, strong, faithful version of myself, and yet think back upon the old, sick, broken, empty, unhappy me that came out of that period of trial I mention in the video. Old me is a memory not quickly forgotten; the sheer terror at living each day physically, mentally, and spiritually unrecognizable to my own self is something that lingers in the back of my mind. And yet, what unspeakable joy to reflect upon how far God has brought me! My smile as I was watching the video, I swear, was the size of Texas. My heart was overflowing as I watched myself and it hit me like a ton of bricks: God is good. He delivered me. He healed me. He redeemed my past. He will continue…

Certainly these truths are not new to me. I’ve rested on them time and time again in the last couple of years. However, I was never more sure of them than when I was waist-deep in the water. I am confident that that’s exactly how God means it to be.