Waiting

It's W. I've been busy, busy with my (still awesome and not so new anymore) new job and M's been hounding me about posting.

What's currently going on in my life is the struggle to be patient as T tries to get a new job lined up for July after his two-year commitment is up with his investing banking firm. He's looking in a few different places for jobs that are mostly at private equity shops, and it's really scary thinking that in just six months we could be uprooting our lives...but as of yet, we have no details about if that will actually happen or what it could look like.

We could be moving to another apartment in the city, if T's new job doesn't pay as well, because we're paying WAY too much for our 800 sq. foot apartment right now, even though we love the location. This would probably mean that I could no longer walk to work, which is lame because it's awesome living so close. Commute in Chicago=lame. We could also potentially be moving to another state, which is both exciting and terrifying. Exciting because it would be great to be further south and closer to M and T's siblings, warmer weather, and closer to our network of friends from college. Terrifying because even though I hate the cold and still don't really like Chicago, it has become home over the last year and a half. And I LOVE my job, and church, and living close to T's parents. Hmm.

I'm not going to lie, I have a VERY strong desire to micromanage this process. I'm pretty much keeping a detailed mental calendar of all of T's appointments (application deadlines, phone interview slots, in-person interview dates) and am fighting the urge daily to turn it into a hard-copy. I want to interrogate T and make sure he knows what he's doing. I want to edit his cover letters and emails. I spend lots of my free time looking up potential opportunities for him even though I do not have a clear idea of what his qualifications really are, much less the type of thing he really wants to do. I look at apartments in other cities on craigslist. I ask anyone who seems remotely relevant if they know of anyone who's hiring in the world of finance.

And I know that it doesn't help-- this desire to micromanage. What it does is illuminate my own control issues and the lack of faith that I have in my husband to find a new job and my God to provide the right situation for us. I'm trying so hard to hand over control, and to earnestly say, "Whatever you have in store for us is fine," but right now it's so difficult. I pray the words and hope that one day they become sincere and that I begin to believe them.

It's just scary, knowing that I go where T goes and he goes where the job is and we don't know yet where that will be. Please feel free to pray for us as we navigate this journey-- both that he'll get a job that aligns with his gifts and desires, and that I will be patient during the process and content with the outcome no matter what happens.