First of all, can I just say that I thought W's last post was fantastic!? That sets a pretty high standard... lots to live up to! Go read it if you haven't already!
Grace... you know, probably the best description that I've ever heard of what exactly grace is was a brief summary of the story of Elisabeth Elliot. (Remember her? Yes, I'm still a bit obsessed.) I don't even remember which book or blog or journal or song or whatever introduced me to her grace... grace like this. But it really, really changed my thinking about grace. Specifically, it helped me to understand the difference between grace and that other oft-referenced word - mercy.
Here's my brief attempt at summarizing (I really wish I could remember so I could share the exact quote! Maybe it'll come to me...) The story of Elisabeth Elliot goes like this:
She felt called as a young girl to follow Christ and be a missionary for Him. In college, she met her future husband, Jim Elliot, and they began what would turn out to be a 5-year courtship while both earnestly prayed for discernment about whether marriage and missions were in God's plan for them. Eventually (again, after 5 longgggg years) they both found themselves in Ecuador, and, after spending some time apart in separate rain forests on different sides of the Andes, were married. (Go read Passion and Purity and get all the details on their courtship. It is a fascinating case study in patience and faith!) They enjoyed 3ish years of blissful married life (bear in mind, these two didn't even kiss or hold hands pre-engagement...), had a daughter, and then Jim Elliot was savagely murdered by the native people he was trying to reach with the gospel. They drove a spear through his heart when he and Elisabeth's daughter was only 10 months old. It is an absolutely heartbreaking story.
Here's where grace comes in, though. Elisabeth Elliot had a couple of choices for how to respond after her husband's murder. She could've chosen bitterness. She could have chosen tolerance. She could have chosen forgiveness. She could have chosen mercy. Instead, she chose grace. You see, mercy means letting someone off the hook for the consequence that is owed them. Elisabeth Elliot could have been very merciful, and told the murderers that she forgived them, wiped away any feelings of bitterness she had towards them, and gone on with her life praying for their souls. She did all this... and then she took it a step further. She continued to live with these people, with her husbands murderers for many years. She raised her daughter among their tribe. She taught them English, prayed with them... she gave her husband's murderers, their wives, and their children hair cuts. That's grace.
While mercy is just sparing someone from what's coming to them, grace is giving someone what they don't deserve. The haircuts? It blows my mind.
I like that story because sometimes when we hear about God's grace, it becomes like a broken record that loses its meaning. I mean, of course God gives us grace... that's like His job. That's what makes God, God. But to think about grace in the context of Elisabeth Elliot makes the sacrifice of grace real again. It makes the reality of its undeservedness very clear.
Lately I have felt blessed by the gift of gratitude for this grace. I've made it a point to say "gift of gratitude" because I know this gratitude is not coming from my own heart! For example, on Monday of this week, I started my "early hours" back up at work... this means waking up an hour and a half earlier than I have had to wake up all summer. My initial reaction is to be bitter and annoyed; the temptation is to be upset at God and life for taking away something that I really loved and enjoyed. However, recently I've been able to look at my life through a clearer lens of gratitude. I can take this situation and earnestly, honestly say to myself and to God "wow, how lucky to have 3 months of sleeping in. Praise God for this summertime treat!" The same goes for many other situations and circumstances I've encountered lately. My boss (who's not a Christian) likes to remark about my consistent positive attitude/optimism... but I think it really is all about gratitude.
God doesn't owe me anything. He doesn't owe me an 8am wake-up call, He doesn't owe me vacation time... He doesn't even owe me a job at all, or an able body for work. It's easy to become entitlted; it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that God serves us and not that we serve Him. So these days I'm enjoying this gift of gratitude and trying to cultivate it. I want to be known as a person who is not upset, frustrated, angry, or bitter... but one that gives praise and witness to God through my gratitude and recognition of His grace. We all have plenty to be grateful for... not the least of which (certainly!) is Christ's death on the cross for our sins. All of the rest is just icing on the cake!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Living the New Testament minus Christ?
I, W, have been reading a fascinating book lately, and if you've been anywhere near me or spent longer than 10 minutes in conversation with me than I have probably told you about it. It's the first book I ever downloaded to read on the "IBooks" feature of my Ipad, and while I enjoy the convenience, I am most definitely sad about not being able to lend the book to someone else or regift it to my sister.
This interesting, inspiring, hilarious and sometimes painful book is The Year of Living Biblically by A. J. Jacobs.
I had heard about it when it first came out, and honestly, I happened to pick it simply because IBooks was offering a free sample and it was highly recommended in the "Bookstore." Here's the premise:
A 30-something writer who grew up culturally Jewish but identifies as Agnostic has a kid. He realizes that he needs to impart some sort of moral code to his wild animal-like child (...he is a 2-year old boy, after all!), so he sets out on a journey to try to discover what the Bible REALLY says by living according its rules in a very literal sense.
The first 8 chapters he dedicates to living the Old Testament literally. This gets comical as he makes his way around NYC each day with all-white, single-fiber clothing with tassels on the corners and the commandments bound to his forehead, money tied to his hand, and a beard that is just as untamed as the hair around his temples. He throws pebbles at adulterers and sacrifices a chicken and blows a rams horn at the start of each month. He also tries his best not to lie or lust over other women, to discipline his son out of love, and to avoid his wife at all costs, much to her dismay, during the days which she is "unclean." To help guide his journey, A.J. meets with MANY different advisors who he deems to be literalists-- a Hasidic rabbi, an amish man, Jehovah's witnesses, etc. As such, I have learned a lot about these various religions and sects, and have enjoyed the book very much.
And then, at month 9, he turns his focus to living the New Testament literally. I have been waiting for this moment for the whole book, ready to see him living out the teachings of Christ.
But there's a major problem. The man doesn't believe in the divinity of Christ. He was raised a Jew, after all, and just cannot accept that Christ is Lord.
And it got me thinking. Can we gain anything from the New Testament without a belief that Christ is the Savior?
I honestly have struggled with this for a few days. One part of me says, "Of course! Whether or not Christ is involved, it's still a good moral teaching to love one another, and to treat others as you'd like to be treated, and to respect your parents, etc." Another part of me says, "No way! All of the teachings in the New Testament revolve around a shift in thinking away from punishment toward undeserved grace, and there is no way to understand true grace unless a person understand's the sacrifice of Jesus."
And then there is another layer, which is that through Christ we are able to die to our old sinful nature (or rather, our sins have died with Christ if we accept His atonement for them), so if a person chooses NOT to accept Him, are they even capable of following of Christ's teachings that direct us to act unselfishly and illogically the way a follower can through the gift of the Holy Spirit within us?
And what about the issue of honesty? Can a person believe that Jesus' teachings are good, and then decide that Christ was lying about being the Son of God? A person would have to believe that at some point in the Bible, things stop being true. That Jesus isn't who He says He is, that He isn't going to do what He says He will do, that He isn't as important as He makes himself out to be. Can a person gain any meaningful moral teaching for a person who they believe (even at the necessity of preserving their own beliefs) is a liar and a fake?
It's an interesting topic, this idea that the New Testament might be relevant to some people without the divinity of Christ. To be honest, I cannot see how, and I realize this post may be controversial. It's not intended to be, nor is it intended as an attack to those who do not believe in Christ as the Messiah. Rather, it's just some of my recent musings as I read about a Jewish man trying on the New Testament for size without accepting what, in my mind, is an absolutely essential part of it.
What do you think? Is it possible to live the laws/rules/suggestions/recommendations of the New Testament without believing that Christ is our Savior? Could someone who is a believer live it better?
This interesting, inspiring, hilarious and sometimes painful book is The Year of Living Biblically by A. J. Jacobs.
I had heard about it when it first came out, and honestly, I happened to pick it simply because IBooks was offering a free sample and it was highly recommended in the "Bookstore." Here's the premise:
A 30-something writer who grew up culturally Jewish but identifies as Agnostic has a kid. He realizes that he needs to impart some sort of moral code to his wild animal-like child (...he is a 2-year old boy, after all!), so he sets out on a journey to try to discover what the Bible REALLY says by living according its rules in a very literal sense.
The first 8 chapters he dedicates to living the Old Testament literally. This gets comical as he makes his way around NYC each day with all-white, single-fiber clothing with tassels on the corners and the commandments bound to his forehead, money tied to his hand, and a beard that is just as untamed as the hair around his temples. He throws pebbles at adulterers and sacrifices a chicken and blows a rams horn at the start of each month. He also tries his best not to lie or lust over other women, to discipline his son out of love, and to avoid his wife at all costs, much to her dismay, during the days which she is "unclean." To help guide his journey, A.J. meets with MANY different advisors who he deems to be literalists-- a Hasidic rabbi, an amish man, Jehovah's witnesses, etc. As such, I have learned a lot about these various religions and sects, and have enjoyed the book very much.
And then, at month 9, he turns his focus to living the New Testament literally. I have been waiting for this moment for the whole book, ready to see him living out the teachings of Christ.
But there's a major problem. The man doesn't believe in the divinity of Christ. He was raised a Jew, after all, and just cannot accept that Christ is Lord.
And it got me thinking. Can we gain anything from the New Testament without a belief that Christ is the Savior?
I honestly have struggled with this for a few days. One part of me says, "Of course! Whether or not Christ is involved, it's still a good moral teaching to love one another, and to treat others as you'd like to be treated, and to respect your parents, etc." Another part of me says, "No way! All of the teachings in the New Testament revolve around a shift in thinking away from punishment toward undeserved grace, and there is no way to understand true grace unless a person understand's the sacrifice of Jesus."
And then there is another layer, which is that through Christ we are able to die to our old sinful nature (or rather, our sins have died with Christ if we accept His atonement for them), so if a person chooses NOT to accept Him, are they even capable of following of Christ's teachings that direct us to act unselfishly and illogically the way a follower can through the gift of the Holy Spirit within us?
And what about the issue of honesty? Can a person believe that Jesus' teachings are good, and then decide that Christ was lying about being the Son of God? A person would have to believe that at some point in the Bible, things stop being true. That Jesus isn't who He says He is, that He isn't going to do what He says He will do, that He isn't as important as He makes himself out to be. Can a person gain any meaningful moral teaching for a person who they believe (even at the necessity of preserving their own beliefs) is a liar and a fake?
It's an interesting topic, this idea that the New Testament might be relevant to some people without the divinity of Christ. To be honest, I cannot see how, and I realize this post may be controversial. It's not intended to be, nor is it intended as an attack to those who do not believe in Christ as the Messiah. Rather, it's just some of my recent musings as I read about a Jewish man trying on the New Testament for size without accepting what, in my mind, is an absolutely essential part of it.
What do you think? Is it possible to live the laws/rules/suggestions/recommendations of the New Testament without believing that Christ is our Savior? Could someone who is a believer live it better?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Stewardship, by M
So, those in Christian circles like to throw around the word “stewardship” a lot.
I like the word. It’s definitely the best word for the concept behind it. There’s just a small problem though… well, actually two. 1) We don’t really talk about “stewards” that much these days and 2) when we do, it just seems like kind of a boring topic.
However, I’ve had an interesting thought about stewardship lately. Please bear with me as I dedicate this post to the topic!
A brief synopsis of the Christian stewardship idea is this: if we believe that everything that is "ours" is actually a gift from Almighty God, we automatically turn into stewards of these things that actually aren’t "ours" but His. We become responsible for what we do with these gifts that He has entrusted to us to take care of and use wisely. The big one here that people like to talk about is money. Duh. But we’re also a steward of our time, our bodies, our resources, our influence, etc.
My recent thought is that active participants in contemporary Christian culture tend to be pretty good stewards of their time and money. Maybe this is because we feel like we have a guideline for it in the generally accepted principle of 10% tithing. Maybe because we love our churches, we feel called to serve when our pastors ask us to serve, or when we recognize the need for service.
However, what I’ve noticed (starting primarily with my own attitudes and behaviors and then increasing my observation outward to others) is that what we’re not so great at is being good stewards of our bodies. I think there are many reasons for this (including Americans’ incessant need to feel in control and in charge of things that are “theirs” without “interference” from anyone else. That’s another post for another time.) However, the main reason I’ve stumbled upon is this:
We think what we do with our bodies doesn’t matter to God. Here’s the thing; when I think about the spirit of God living within me, I tend think of it as this little "God Pocket" that floats right in the middle of my chest… that hollow part right below your sternum and in between your ribs. I mean, it’s a perfect little spot for Him right there!
It’s easy think this way because it’s safe, and because it excuses behaviors that aren’t honoring to our bodies. If I think this way, I can kind of think to myself "Hey, what goes in my stomach doesn’t bother God… He’s not in there!" For friends that use tobacco: "It doesn’t matter what I put in my mouth or lungs, it’s not like I’m hurting God there." For anyone in an inappropriate sexual relationship: "Look, this is like a whole other half of the body… He’s definitely not down here." Etc.
It’s easy to be concerned about the emotional state of your heart, or the psychological state of your brain, or the spiritual state of your soul, because those things seem relevant to the God who lives inside you. Whatever happens in your other random organs just seems… not as much. He’s living in the little God Pocket, remember? It’s like… barricaded from these things by a magical orb of holiness!
Hmmm… not so, actually.
One of the best learning experiences I have ever had was my senior year of college when my bible study leader/ discipler Lindsey set up a walk-through mock tabernacle in her basement. It was set up according to all of the qualifications for the ancient temple, from the sacrificial bowl out front to the Ark of the Covenant all the way in the back. It was fascinating! My favorite part, though, was the story she told us about the Holy of Holies, where the Ark of the Covenant (ie: the spirit of the living God) was housed. Once a year (on Yom Kippur – the Jewish Day of Atonement), the chief priest would enter the Holy of Holies to offer sacrifices to the Lord on behalf of all of the people of Israel. He was the only one ever allowed to enter the presence of the Lord, and when he did, he wore two things around his waist: a rope, and some bells. Why? The bells were so the other priests (who were standing outside the Holy of Holies) could hear the priest inside moving around. The rope? So they could pull out the high priest in the event he were struck dead by God when he entered. They would know this to be the case if the bells stopped ringing.
Seriously. This must have happened more than once, for they had quite a genius system going. Here he was… the very high priest… the holiest of all people in the entire nation of Israel, bringing with him the absolute best, most perfect sacrifice he could find, entering the tabernacle, which was immaculately kept according to God’s commands (take a look at Exodus 35-40 for a LONGGGG list of instructions)… and sometimes God would strike him dead if any part of his entering the Holy of Holies defiled it. Boom. Dead. Reel in the rope.
That makes me think. If my body is the new temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19)… I’m doing an unspeakably poorer job of keeping it holy than those priests of old did. Praise God for His grace because if the old rules still applied, He’d have struck me dead longgggg ago! And the reality is that maybe God doesn’t live in my stomach, or maybe He does. Or maybe he doesn’t live in my lungs, or on my skin, or in my eyes, or wherever else… or maybe He does. What we do with our bodies matters to God because He doesn’t just live in a special God Pocket – “Holy of Holies” place inside our ribcage. Our whole body is His new temple, and that means that His resting place is affected by what we chose to do with and do to our bodies. Respecting our bodies means respecting the holiness of the God who lives there… respecting His grace, His gift of the Spirit, and His sacrifice for us. We are to honor our bodies, for we were bought at a price. (1 Corinthians 6:20)
I like the word. It’s definitely the best word for the concept behind it. There’s just a small problem though… well, actually two. 1) We don’t really talk about “stewards” that much these days and 2) when we do, it just seems like kind of a boring topic.
However, I’ve had an interesting thought about stewardship lately. Please bear with me as I dedicate this post to the topic!
A brief synopsis of the Christian stewardship idea is this: if we believe that everything that is "ours" is actually a gift from Almighty God, we automatically turn into stewards of these things that actually aren’t "ours" but His. We become responsible for what we do with these gifts that He has entrusted to us to take care of and use wisely. The big one here that people like to talk about is money. Duh. But we’re also a steward of our time, our bodies, our resources, our influence, etc.
My recent thought is that active participants in contemporary Christian culture tend to be pretty good stewards of their time and money. Maybe this is because we feel like we have a guideline for it in the generally accepted principle of 10% tithing. Maybe because we love our churches, we feel called to serve when our pastors ask us to serve, or when we recognize the need for service.
However, what I’ve noticed (starting primarily with my own attitudes and behaviors and then increasing my observation outward to others) is that what we’re not so great at is being good stewards of our bodies. I think there are many reasons for this (including Americans’ incessant need to feel in control and in charge of things that are “theirs” without “interference” from anyone else. That’s another post for another time.) However, the main reason I’ve stumbled upon is this:
We think what we do with our bodies doesn’t matter to God. Here’s the thing; when I think about the spirit of God living within me, I tend think of it as this little "God Pocket" that floats right in the middle of my chest… that hollow part right below your sternum and in between your ribs. I mean, it’s a perfect little spot for Him right there!
It’s easy think this way because it’s safe, and because it excuses behaviors that aren’t honoring to our bodies. If I think this way, I can kind of think to myself "Hey, what goes in my stomach doesn’t bother God… He’s not in there!" For friends that use tobacco: "It doesn’t matter what I put in my mouth or lungs, it’s not like I’m hurting God there." For anyone in an inappropriate sexual relationship: "Look, this is like a whole other half of the body… He’s definitely not down here." Etc.
It’s easy to be concerned about the emotional state of your heart, or the psychological state of your brain, or the spiritual state of your soul, because those things seem relevant to the God who lives inside you. Whatever happens in your other random organs just seems… not as much. He’s living in the little God Pocket, remember? It’s like… barricaded from these things by a magical orb of holiness!
Hmmm… not so, actually.
One of the best learning experiences I have ever had was my senior year of college when my bible study leader/ discipler Lindsey set up a walk-through mock tabernacle in her basement. It was set up according to all of the qualifications for the ancient temple, from the sacrificial bowl out front to the Ark of the Covenant all the way in the back. It was fascinating! My favorite part, though, was the story she told us about the Holy of Holies, where the Ark of the Covenant (ie: the spirit of the living God) was housed. Once a year (on Yom Kippur – the Jewish Day of Atonement), the chief priest would enter the Holy of Holies to offer sacrifices to the Lord on behalf of all of the people of Israel. He was the only one ever allowed to enter the presence of the Lord, and when he did, he wore two things around his waist: a rope, and some bells. Why? The bells were so the other priests (who were standing outside the Holy of Holies) could hear the priest inside moving around. The rope? So they could pull out the high priest in the event he were struck dead by God when he entered. They would know this to be the case if the bells stopped ringing.
Seriously. This must have happened more than once, for they had quite a genius system going. Here he was… the very high priest… the holiest of all people in the entire nation of Israel, bringing with him the absolute best, most perfect sacrifice he could find, entering the tabernacle, which was immaculately kept according to God’s commands (take a look at Exodus 35-40 for a LONGGGG list of instructions)… and sometimes God would strike him dead if any part of his entering the Holy of Holies defiled it. Boom. Dead. Reel in the rope.
That makes me think. If my body is the new temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19)… I’m doing an unspeakably poorer job of keeping it holy than those priests of old did. Praise God for His grace because if the old rules still applied, He’d have struck me dead longgggg ago! And the reality is that maybe God doesn’t live in my stomach, or maybe He does. Or maybe he doesn’t live in my lungs, or on my skin, or in my eyes, or wherever else… or maybe He does. What we do with our bodies matters to God because He doesn’t just live in a special God Pocket – “Holy of Holies” place inside our ribcage. Our whole body is His new temple, and that means that His resting place is affected by what we chose to do with and do to our bodies. Respecting our bodies means respecting the holiness of the God who lives there… respecting His grace, His gift of the Spirit, and His sacrifice for us. We are to honor our bodies, for we were bought at a price. (1 Corinthians 6:20)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Progress, or My Growing Acceptance of Being a Single Single
After my retreat this weekend, I had to explain to W that single is a noun these days. As in "I am a single." It's used in church language to mean "anyone who is not married"... although I suppose it technically means "any full-grown adult of marrying age who is not married." However, the problem with being categorized as "a single" is that it doesn't provide a lot of clarity about your actual status as a non-married person. You could be a single that's in a relationship, a single that's engaged, a divorced single, a widowed single, or a single single. Whew! Now, many of those singles actually aren't quite that single are they?
So here in the middle of the dating fast, I've been trying to come to terms with being a single single. Wow... not sure if any other phrase possibly makes you sound quite so lame or alone! haha
Seriously, though, I am happy to report that I've been recognizing progress lately. What a blessing! So much of the time we don't even realize that we're making progress... we just wake up one day and all of a sudden we've arrived somewhere without really being aware of how we got there. As such, I take it as a great gift from God to be able to notice progress. It helps me to know that He is working in me, that I'm on the right track, and that I'm steadily headed somewhere better than the place I left. It's exciting!
I've been praying lately that I would find my heart more captivated by God's love than I do by the hypothetical love of some future man. This, it has become clear to me, has been the crux of the problem that I'm dealing with in the dating fast. Relationship and marriage has been an idol for me because at the end of the day I tend to see it as more exciting, more enticing, more important, and more valuable that God's love. Eek. It may be more tangible, but that's about it in terms of its superiority.
So I've been praying for God to help me understand His love more. I figured I'd learn to love Him more if I first better understood His love for me. The great news is that God has been faithful in answering this prayer! I've been reading through Genesis again lately, and truly internalizing the story of Adam and Eve and the fall of man. Truly, the story that the Bible tells is one of the unending heartache of a loving God who just desperately wants to be loved back by His children. I don't know that I've ever really thought about how God feels about all of this. When I try to wrap my mind around God's emotional qualities, I start to better understand His love for us. He tries over and over and over and over again to win our love back. He gives us chance after chance after chance to run back to Him. He pursues each person on earth mightily because it breaks His heart to not have them as His.
As I type this, I recognize that these are all statements that I have heard and known for some time. That said, I feel blessed in that it is penetrating my heart in a new way these days. I had a moment over the weekend where it became awesomely clear to me... there's a song that we often sing called "How He Loves Us" and it has a verse in it which says "if grace is an ocean we're all sinking..." Now, I've never quite liked the song because it's unfortunately forever tied to Mr. Sleepyhead, who was the one who introduced it to me. But anyway, as we were singing it this weekend, I imagined myself floating in the middle of this giant ocean, and God's waves just crashing over me. One wave was love, one wave was grace, one wave was forgiveness, one wave was a second chance, one wave was sustenance, one wave was goodness... repeated in a cycle as many times as real waves crash upon the shore... for eternity.
Sorry if that sounds strange or melodramatic, but the reality is that that's how much God loves us. The waves never stop, never run dry, never grow weaker, never retreat. Crazy to think about, right? I mean, really... really think about it.
In conclusion, I find myself slowly letting go of my death grip on marriage as I start to let first things be first in my heart. Not to say that I don't want it (I still do, at times desperately) but that I'm growing in my peace about it day by day. Being a single single isn't that bad after all, when you've got God on your side and you know that you're still desirable and wanted even if no one's choosing you right now. I pray that I can continue to think this way and continue to grow during this single single season! Here's to progress!
So here in the middle of the dating fast, I've been trying to come to terms with being a single single. Wow... not sure if any other phrase possibly makes you sound quite so lame or alone! haha
Seriously, though, I am happy to report that I've been recognizing progress lately. What a blessing! So much of the time we don't even realize that we're making progress... we just wake up one day and all of a sudden we've arrived somewhere without really being aware of how we got there. As such, I take it as a great gift from God to be able to notice progress. It helps me to know that He is working in me, that I'm on the right track, and that I'm steadily headed somewhere better than the place I left. It's exciting!
I've been praying lately that I would find my heart more captivated by God's love than I do by the hypothetical love of some future man. This, it has become clear to me, has been the crux of the problem that I'm dealing with in the dating fast. Relationship and marriage has been an idol for me because at the end of the day I tend to see it as more exciting, more enticing, more important, and more valuable that God's love. Eek. It may be more tangible, but that's about it in terms of its superiority.
So I've been praying for God to help me understand His love more. I figured I'd learn to love Him more if I first better understood His love for me. The great news is that God has been faithful in answering this prayer! I've been reading through Genesis again lately, and truly internalizing the story of Adam and Eve and the fall of man. Truly, the story that the Bible tells is one of the unending heartache of a loving God who just desperately wants to be loved back by His children. I don't know that I've ever really thought about how God feels about all of this. When I try to wrap my mind around God's emotional qualities, I start to better understand His love for us. He tries over and over and over and over again to win our love back. He gives us chance after chance after chance to run back to Him. He pursues each person on earth mightily because it breaks His heart to not have them as His.
As I type this, I recognize that these are all statements that I have heard and known for some time. That said, I feel blessed in that it is penetrating my heart in a new way these days. I had a moment over the weekend where it became awesomely clear to me... there's a song that we often sing called "How He Loves Us" and it has a verse in it which says "if grace is an ocean we're all sinking..." Now, I've never quite liked the song because it's unfortunately forever tied to Mr. Sleepyhead, who was the one who introduced it to me. But anyway, as we were singing it this weekend, I imagined myself floating in the middle of this giant ocean, and God's waves just crashing over me. One wave was love, one wave was grace, one wave was forgiveness, one wave was a second chance, one wave was sustenance, one wave was goodness... repeated in a cycle as many times as real waves crash upon the shore... for eternity.
Sorry if that sounds strange or melodramatic, but the reality is that that's how much God loves us. The waves never stop, never run dry, never grow weaker, never retreat. Crazy to think about, right? I mean, really... really think about it.
In conclusion, I find myself slowly letting go of my death grip on marriage as I start to let first things be first in my heart. Not to say that I don't want it (I still do, at times desperately) but that I'm growing in my peace about it day by day. Being a single single isn't that bad after all, when you've got God on your side and you know that you're still desirable and wanted even if no one's choosing you right now. I pray that I can continue to think this way and continue to grow during this single single season! Here's to progress!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Regarding T's Job and my Struggle with Patience
It's W again! Alive and well and enjoying the fact that it's still summer in Chicago.
You know what I'm not enjoying? T's job.
I don't know how much I have discussed with you all the circumstances of T's job or how it affects our relationship. Here's a brief run-down:
-T works as an investment banking analyst with a boutique firm here in Chicago focused on M & A work in the automotive and industrials industries.
-Consistent with most IB analysts, he works anywhere from 80-115 hours a week. Yes, you read that correctly.
-On an average night, he gets home between 2 and 3 in the morning, only to get up, shower, and return to work by 8:30am.
-He typically works at least 10 hours over the course of Saturday and Sunday on most weekends.
-He is always on-call, meaning that at ANY time, his bosses can call him into work and he must report.
Sounds miserable, right? It's actually a highly sought-after career choice because the compensation is high, as is the prestige level and it apparently sets a person up pretty well for future endeavors.
What this means for me? I miss my husband. I can never make plans. I never know when he's going to be home, and if he is home, how often he'll stay here. I start preparing for work at 7am so this means, in a typical 24-hour period, our paths cross for roughly 4 hours in the middle of the night when I have already been asleep for hours and he is a walking zombie as he crashes into bed.
I say this not to elicit pity, because we all know than I signed up for this. I entered into this marriage knowing full-well that for at least another year, this would be our reality. I say this to help give context for you to understand how the Lord is using this situation to teach me patience.
After a year of teaching first grade, I thought I was THROUGH learning about patience. I thought it wouldn't be possible for me to ever be in a situation again that required more patience. Well, folks, I've been back in Chicago for just over a week and the patience train is calling me to hop aboard.
I hate being patient. As much as I don't like to admit it, I am a big fan of instant gratification. I want what I want and I want it NOW. I don't like to wait, and I certainly don't like to wait while it's uncomfortable and painful.
But in this season of patience (both waiting for T to come home each night and waiting for the days when he has a job with more normal hours), the Lord is teaching me many things:
1. Again, that my life is not all about me.
2. That I need to lean on Him for my fulfillment and joy.
3. That He has made me capable of more than I would've believed a year ago (T's not available to help me dig my car out of the snow? T's not available to assemble the desk from Office Depot? Guess that's my job now!)
4. That the love of God can be felt so closely through the connections I have with my wonderfully supportive friends and family members.
5. That I need to trust in the truth that He has made everything beautiful in His own time.
So, that's what I'm learning. And I HATE that I have to learn it because I'd rather have a husband who is home at 6pm to eat dinner and help me do the dishes, to watch TV with me and talk about our days and cuddle before bed, etc. But that isn't our season right now, so I'm trying to accept these lessons as a blessing for this time.
You know what I'm not enjoying? T's job.
I don't know how much I have discussed with you all the circumstances of T's job or how it affects our relationship. Here's a brief run-down:
-T works as an investment banking analyst with a boutique firm here in Chicago focused on M & A work in the automotive and industrials industries.
-Consistent with most IB analysts, he works anywhere from 80-115 hours a week. Yes, you read that correctly.
-On an average night, he gets home between 2 and 3 in the morning, only to get up, shower, and return to work by 8:30am.
-He typically works at least 10 hours over the course of Saturday and Sunday on most weekends.
-He is always on-call, meaning that at ANY time, his bosses can call him into work and he must report.
Sounds miserable, right? It's actually a highly sought-after career choice because the compensation is high, as is the prestige level and it apparently sets a person up pretty well for future endeavors.
What this means for me? I miss my husband. I can never make plans. I never know when he's going to be home, and if he is home, how often he'll stay here. I start preparing for work at 7am so this means, in a typical 24-hour period, our paths cross for roughly 4 hours in the middle of the night when I have already been asleep for hours and he is a walking zombie as he crashes into bed.
I say this not to elicit pity, because we all know than I signed up for this. I entered into this marriage knowing full-well that for at least another year, this would be our reality. I say this to help give context for you to understand how the Lord is using this situation to teach me patience.
After a year of teaching first grade, I thought I was THROUGH learning about patience. I thought it wouldn't be possible for me to ever be in a situation again that required more patience. Well, folks, I've been back in Chicago for just over a week and the patience train is calling me to hop aboard.
I hate being patient. As much as I don't like to admit it, I am a big fan of instant gratification. I want what I want and I want it NOW. I don't like to wait, and I certainly don't like to wait while it's uncomfortable and painful.
But in this season of patience (both waiting for T to come home each night and waiting for the days when he has a job with more normal hours), the Lord is teaching me many things:
1. Again, that my life is not all about me.
2. That I need to lean on Him for my fulfillment and joy.
3. That He has made me capable of more than I would've believed a year ago (T's not available to help me dig my car out of the snow? T's not available to assemble the desk from Office Depot? Guess that's my job now!)
4. That the love of God can be felt so closely through the connections I have with my wonderfully supportive friends and family members.
5. That I need to trust in the truth that He has made everything beautiful in His own time.
So, that's what I'm learning. And I HATE that I have to learn it because I'd rather have a husband who is home at 6pm to eat dinner and help me do the dishes, to watch TV with me and talk about our days and cuddle before bed, etc. But that isn't our season right now, so I'm trying to accept these lessons as a blessing for this time.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
This Weekend, by M
Life has been pretty hectic for me this week. It's Thursday and so far this work week I've had two evenings booked solid with church stuff and two evenings taken up by 12+ hour work days. I have a half-written post on stewardship that I meant to put up this week... and it's still half-written. Stay tuned!
I'm going to Buckhead Church's Singles Leader retreat this weekend... I'm very excited, a little nervous (I don't have any real friends going), and also just kind of exhausted. They made sure to email us a few reminders including suggesting that "if you're interested in partaking in water activities, please be mindful of modesty."
As such, I will now bring you, courtesy of our dear friend Jon Acuff over at www.stuffchristianslike.net ... an ode to the tankini.
#90. The tankini March 30, 2008
I’m pretty sure that somewhere in the Old Testament, perhaps in the book of Joel, God says that he does not like bikinis. I mean sure, Jesus hung out with hookers and the lowest of the low, but that was then. These days, the trinity hates bikinis. Enter the tankini. The tankini is kind of what would happen if you cut a one piece in half. It’s a tank top on top and a regular bathing suit on the bottom. It’s less Victoria’s Secret and more Land’s End. It was originally created in a church laboratory for youth group trips to the beach...
I'm not sure I've worn a tankini in public... maybe ever. I do have one, though, which I stole from W after she wore it for a whole summer as a counselor at YMCA camp. Too bad it looks designed and crafted for a 13 year-old. Maybe I'll just skip the water activities altogether?
Be back on Sunday night with many great things to share!
I'm going to Buckhead Church's Singles Leader retreat this weekend... I'm very excited, a little nervous (I don't have any real friends going), and also just kind of exhausted. They made sure to email us a few reminders including suggesting that "if you're interested in partaking in water activities, please be mindful of modesty."
As such, I will now bring you, courtesy of our dear friend Jon Acuff over at www.stuffchristianslike.net ... an ode to the tankini.
#90. The tankini March 30, 2008
I’m pretty sure that somewhere in the Old Testament, perhaps in the book of Joel, God says that he does not like bikinis. I mean sure, Jesus hung out with hookers and the lowest of the low, but that was then. These days, the trinity hates bikinis. Enter the tankini. The tankini is kind of what would happen if you cut a one piece in half. It’s a tank top on top and a regular bathing suit on the bottom. It’s less Victoria’s Secret and more Land’s End. It was originally created in a church laboratory for youth group trips to the beach...
I'm not sure I've worn a tankini in public... maybe ever. I do have one, though, which I stole from W after she wore it for a whole summer as a counselor at YMCA camp. Too bad it looks designed and crafted for a 13 year-old. Maybe I'll just skip the water activities altogether?
Be back on Sunday night with many great things to share!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Idolatry and my New Kitchen
Hello friends! I am back from my very long hiatus and I am now officially a married woman! Although, I haven't changed my last name just yet, which, if you are not married and haven't looked into it, is actually rather complicated and time consuming. So for now, I am "W" only metaphorically and not legally, haha.
I will spare you all the details of the wedding and honeymoon and the awesomeness of the last few weeks, but believe me when I say that I had the best wedding EVER, that I have the best family and the best husband (ahh! husband!) in the whole entire world, and that I am blessed beyond belief. If you want a run-down of my top 10 favorite moments from the wedding/honeymoon, check out my post from yesterday on my personal blog!
This post isn't about the wedding, or about marriage, although I'm sure I'll be writing about both topics pretty soon.
No, this post is about my new kitchen.
See, I lived in a REALLY crappy apartment last year. It wasn't great to begin with, and was made much worse by two roommates who were not as clean as I would've liked. Maybe my former roommates would beg to differ but I really don't think I'm a super neat freak or OCD about cleanliness so much that I just want to live and cook in a place that does not have bugs, mysterious smells, or mold in the fridge. I love to cook, but in that apartment, I cooked only when completely necessary and not without doing a complete swabbing of the kitchen in Lysol wipes. My cooking hobby become nearly nil.
Since moving in with T as of Friday, I am having a bit of an idolizing relationship with my new kitchen. I saw idolizing because I have been prioritizing it above pretty much all else, including my own personal hygiene (irony, yes?), unpacking, and yes, my quiet time. I am enthralled with its granite countertops, large pantry and numerous cabinets. I fantasize about all the cooking and entertaining I will do there, and spend lots of T's time marveling at the fact that it's MY kitchen. "No," he says, "It's ours." And I say, "Well, technically yes but I will be the ONLY ONE cooking in it."
And this is a first for me. I have never had a kitchen before where I am its only cook. This means the freezer space is ALL MINE, the tupperware is ALL MINE, the condiments and spatulas and ziplock baggies and the sacks of potatoes in a cool dark space are ALL MINE. And I'm thrilled.
I intend to make lots of new and interesting things like salads with candied hazelnuts and apple slices, homemade lettuce wraps with hoisin chicken and water chestnuts, endless batches of crock pot chili made extra thick with no kidney beans cause it's MY kitchen and MY chili and I do what I want.
And this is where the idolatry comes in. You see, idolatry is an interesting topic in the Bible. It's not as heavily condemned as coveting, at least in terms of the 10 Commandments, but it's not altogether different. Coveting is lusting after something you do not have, and idolatry is lusting over something that you do have to the point that you desire it more than you desire God. And it certainly sounds like I'm lusting over the kitchen, huh?
I think it's easy to get caught in the trap of loving the blessings more than the Blesser. That's what I've noticed in myself these last few weeks when I have been remarkably and undeservedly blessed by SO MANY THINGS. I've realized how much I love the blessings, how much I love being the center of T's and everyone else's attention, how I love the gifts and my new sparkly, matching wedding band, and having a two-week long fantastic Caribbean honeymoon and yes, how much I love my new kitchen.
And it's okay to appreciate and be grateful for these things. But if love comes from God and is God, I can be assured that His desire is NOT that I spend my time and energy using the love He gives me on things rather than people.
So, I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to appreciate while acknowledging that everything I have is undeserved and a gift from Him that he reserves the right to revoke at any time, and that I am called to be joyful regardless. I'm trying to see Him moving in all areas of my life-- not just those that are shiny and new and exciting because of my new marriage and new job. I'm trying to remember that every time I approach anything with an "ALL MINE" attitude I am both insulting the Creator by whom and for whom everything is created, and also insulting myself by believing that I am what really matters in my life.
HE is what really matters in my life.
I will spare you all the details of the wedding and honeymoon and the awesomeness of the last few weeks, but believe me when I say that I had the best wedding EVER, that I have the best family and the best husband (ahh! husband!) in the whole entire world, and that I am blessed beyond belief. If you want a run-down of my top 10 favorite moments from the wedding/honeymoon, check out my post from yesterday on my personal blog!
This post isn't about the wedding, or about marriage, although I'm sure I'll be writing about both topics pretty soon.
No, this post is about my new kitchen.
See, I lived in a REALLY crappy apartment last year. It wasn't great to begin with, and was made much worse by two roommates who were not as clean as I would've liked. Maybe my former roommates would beg to differ but I really don't think I'm a super neat freak or OCD about cleanliness so much that I just want to live and cook in a place that does not have bugs, mysterious smells, or mold in the fridge. I love to cook, but in that apartment, I cooked only when completely necessary and not without doing a complete swabbing of the kitchen in Lysol wipes. My cooking hobby become nearly nil.
Since moving in with T as of Friday, I am having a bit of an idolizing relationship with my new kitchen. I saw idolizing because I have been prioritizing it above pretty much all else, including my own personal hygiene (irony, yes?), unpacking, and yes, my quiet time. I am enthralled with its granite countertops, large pantry and numerous cabinets. I fantasize about all the cooking and entertaining I will do there, and spend lots of T's time marveling at the fact that it's MY kitchen. "No," he says, "It's ours." And I say, "Well, technically yes but I will be the ONLY ONE cooking in it."
And this is a first for me. I have never had a kitchen before where I am its only cook. This means the freezer space is ALL MINE, the tupperware is ALL MINE, the condiments and spatulas and ziplock baggies and the sacks of potatoes in a cool dark space are ALL MINE. And I'm thrilled.
I intend to make lots of new and interesting things like salads with candied hazelnuts and apple slices, homemade lettuce wraps with hoisin chicken and water chestnuts, endless batches of crock pot chili made extra thick with no kidney beans cause it's MY kitchen and MY chili and I do what I want.
And this is where the idolatry comes in. You see, idolatry is an interesting topic in the Bible. It's not as heavily condemned as coveting, at least in terms of the 10 Commandments, but it's not altogether different. Coveting is lusting after something you do not have, and idolatry is lusting over something that you do have to the point that you desire it more than you desire God. And it certainly sounds like I'm lusting over the kitchen, huh?
I think it's easy to get caught in the trap of loving the blessings more than the Blesser. That's what I've noticed in myself these last few weeks when I have been remarkably and undeservedly blessed by SO MANY THINGS. I've realized how much I love the blessings, how much I love being the center of T's and everyone else's attention, how I love the gifts and my new sparkly, matching wedding band, and having a two-week long fantastic Caribbean honeymoon and yes, how much I love my new kitchen.
And it's okay to appreciate and be grateful for these things. But if love comes from God and is God, I can be assured that His desire is NOT that I spend my time and energy using the love He gives me on things rather than people.
So, I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to appreciate while acknowledging that everything I have is undeserved and a gift from Him that he reserves the right to revoke at any time, and that I am called to be joyful regardless. I'm trying to see Him moving in all areas of my life-- not just those that are shiny and new and exciting because of my new marriage and new job. I'm trying to remember that every time I approach anything with an "ALL MINE" attitude I am both insulting the Creator by whom and for whom everything is created, and also insulting myself by believing that I am what really matters in my life.
HE is what really matters in my life.
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