Your Wednesday Psychology Lesson

Well friends, I (W) have been waiting for a while to post this one. Mostly because I am 1) not a psychologist and 2) unable to take my own advice. But, in the hope that by writing it out here I will be better able to monitor my own mental and psychological actions in addition to giving you some food for thought about your own, here we go.

STERBs

What's that funny little word I just wrote?

STERBs. It stands for "Short-Term Energy Releasing Behaviors." I learned about it in a book called the Grief Recovery Handbook that a counselor once suggested to me and that I, lover of self-help books that I am, actually read. We all have them-- these STERBs-- whether we admit it or not. Some are relatively benign while others can consume our whole lives. And all STERBs distract us from finding contentment in Him who has promised peace which surpasses all understanding.

So, what is a STERB? A STERB is any activity that you partake in to help relieve energy-- particularly negative, anxious energy. It's that action you take when you feel bad inside because you are stressed, lonely, nervous, bored, mad, or sad. It is what you turn to for comfort, albeit short-lived, when you want to make yourself feel better.

I have a long list of STERBs. I think it comes from being a more high-strung person than normal. While my STERBs are not of the life-threatening or relationship-threatening variety (think gambling, substance abuse, porn addition, etc), they are no less serious in the sense that they reveal the same deeply-held beliefs as those with more "critical" afflictions.

Depending on my mood, I will partake in the following behaviors to help ease anxiety:
-Picking at the skin on my face
-Eating when I'm not hungry, or eating poorly in general (particularly sugary foods...okay... nutella)
-Idling on facebook/blogs/trash websites (I'm looking at you, www.failblog.org)
-Watching strange documentaries and horrible reality tv
-Compulsively filing my nails
-Cleaning

Now, in moderation, any of these activities are not bad. It's okay to pop a pimple and then eat candy while surfing facebook and watching Toddlers and Tiaras in the background. And it's certainly okay to clean-up afterwards.

What is not okay is to do these activities because you feel bad, and because you secretly think (even after years that prove otherwise) that they will make you feel better. Because they never, EVER do. More often than not, I end up feeling worse than before because my face which looked decent is covered in red spots, I wasted a bunch of time, I'm aware of how completely unclean everything typically is and I feel like my teeth are going to rot. Oh, and that everyone else in the world is more popular than me and has a better job than me and is having more fun than me. Thanks, Facebook!

But I continue to do these things, these STERBs. Because I think they are going to make me feel more in control, or feel better about my life in comparison to others, or at least make me feel like others are as miserable as I am. But I NEVER, EVER feel better afterwards. Hence the "short-term" part of STERBs. The relief lasts only as long as I am engaging in the behavior, and then afterwards comes the guilt and shame of making the wrong choice yet again.

The reason why I never feel better after doing these things is because nothing can bring us true fulfillment and joy outside of the Lord. And when we look to these routine behaviors instead of turning to Him, we shut ourselves off from the healing, contentment, and peace that He wants to give us. He says, "I'd like to help," and we reply, "Actually, I think watching 3 hours of reality tv will make me feel better than You can make me feel."

When we put it like this, doesn't it seem ridiculous? As Christians, we have given up the belief that we can ultimately save ourselves, so why do we still believe that we can soothe ourselves and heal ourselves? We can only cope successfully if we turn away from our placeholders for God and give him the space to do what He does best-- love us with compassionate, merciful love.

My challenge for you today is to think about the actions you are taking, especially if you have a sneaking suspicion that your motives are not correct. Think:

-Why am I engaging in this behavior?
-What am I hoping to get out of it?
-Is what I'm hoping to get something that ultimately needs to come from the Lord?

And then pray. Ask Him for forgiveness that you have made an idol of your STERB to take His place in this area of your life. Ask Him to give you peace, or reassurance, or a sense of control, or whatever it is you are seeking. And finally, ditch the guilt and shame and revel in the fact that you now have more time to dedicate to something more worthwhile than your STERB.

Whew! And that folks, is your Wednesday psychology lesson.