The Idea of a Married Name

It's W here, obviously, as I am the only twin in my family with both a married name and a maiden name.

I've been thinking recently about how weird it is that one random day 7 months ago, the name that I'd used and identified with for nearly 25 years just... stopped being my name. Have you ever really thought about how strange that it is? Even with the years of doodling Mrs. so-and-so in my journal for every crush I ever had, it's so bizarre, after decades of being called a certain name, to switch over to something else. What's even weirder is that there are people in my life now who never knew me by any other name, and who don't know or care what my name used to be.

For me, it never really seemed like a choice to keep my maiden name. I never thought about it, never considered it, never wanted it. I didn't even keep it as a middle name. For all intents and purposes, my former name occupies no part of who I am legally. That said, I can think of at least 10 female friends or acquaintances who chose not to take a married name.

And it makes me curious.  There are a few reasons under which I could understand not taking your husband's name. These are:

1. You come from a family with a very respected and recognizable name. You better believe if my last name was Kennedy, I would be keeping that baby around in some form. Why give up the benefit of public adoration and prestige that your forefathers worked hard to earn?

2. You have established yourself in the public eye or your community using your maiden name. If I were a doctor who got a lot of clients via word of mouth, a radio personality, a well-known lawyer, an author or anything else like that, I'd probably keep my name professionally. If I thought it would help me keep or bring in new business, I would probably not change it.

3. Your married name would be the same as your first name, or if it would create a play on words. There are definitely some last names that are also first names-- my own first name is one of them. Had I fallen in love with someone whose last name was the same as my first, I wouldn't have changed it. Same with names that are nouns and could become adjectives by adding the last name "lee." Heaven Lee? No thanks!

4. Your future husband has a REALLY terrible last name. I'm not talking a bad last name, I'm talking a TERRIBLE name. Any word that would be offensive in another context, any number of words that, when put together as a name, is just not acceptable, any name that has so many consonants that 80% or more of random people will mispronounce it...I'd probably decline.

Those are my 4 reasons. I know a big one for other people is that "taking my husband's last name is against my belief in gender equality," but considering that our maiden names are passed down paternally (patri-linearly? Should've stuck with "from our fathers"), this argument doesn't hold much weight for me.  

I can definitely see how keeping my last name would probably make me feel more independent, but sharing T's last name makes me feel like we're a family. Keeping my maiden name would probably make me feel more hip, but it also would make me feel like I've made a commitment while keeping one foot out the door.

All in all, I'm glad to have a new name, and I lucked into getting a great one at that. What are you thoughts about this topic? What does it mean or not mean for you to keep or change your last name upon marriage? I'm curious to hear your thoughts!