Beauty and Blessing, by M

 

I'm writing today as a married woman! Woo hoo! Actually, we've been married a little over a month now, which is crazy to think about. So many massive changes just in the last 33 days!

People have been asking me frequently about how married life is going and I tend to give them the same response - "It's been AWESOME! But of course, we were on the beach in paradise for half of it!" haha But, the reality is that while paradise (ie: French Polynesia) was awesome, marriage itself has been even more so. We are loving it and having the best, sweetest, richest time in these first few weeks. We could not feel more blessed or be more grateful... our cups are overflowing with goodness.

As I was reflecting on all of this during the honeymoon and trying to process how much has changed, I was reminded of a moment I had pretty much exactly three years earlier. In February/March of 2010, I was arguably at the lowest point of my adult life. Many of you know that story, so I'll spare the details here... but suffice it to say that I was totally and utterly broken. I didn't recognize myself physically, mentally, or emotionally. I ended up spending several months at home during that time to get back on my feet, and pretty much the week I got home, I was whisked off with my family to their pre-planned spring break trip to Mexico. It was a huge blessing. And during that trip I spent a lot of time reading, a lot of time eating (very much needed for me in those days!), and a lot of time sitting in this one hammock and looking out at the ocean and thinking. I remember gently swinging in that hammock and just thinking about how I wanted to trust in God's plan for me, but that I just didn't know how... because what I'd experienced of that plan so far was just too rough for my liking. I remember looking over the crystal water and knowing that God, who could make such beauty in this place, could certainly make my life beautiful, too. But how? When?

Over the next three years, time went by and my heart and body healed, and that moment faded into the background of a life that was becoming full. And I didn't think about it again as I moved to a new city and found new jobs, made new friends, went on dates with new people, and allowed God to remake me into a better version of who I was before. I became happy... I met my husband... and three years later I found myself in a hammock in French Polynesia, unable to do anything but marvel about how things have changed. In just a few years?!

I say all of this because I believe that if I could go back and talk to the young woman in the Mexican hammock, she probably wouldn't believe the story that I would have to tell her. It would seem probably like too much... too good to be true. Yet, that is my story. And it makes me want to shake myself (haha) and ask "why do I not have more faith!?" Why do I (even to this day) struggle with anxiety over the future when God has proven himself to be faithful? Not because He brought me a husband or He restored my health, but because He has written a story of redemption in my life... and He continues to do so each day. Even when you don't see it coming... even when it feels like the only direction you have been headed is down, God is moving in your life. He is worthy to be praised for that.

So, here is my praise for Him and the work He is doing in my life. And here is my challenge to myself and to others: you have no idea what God has cooking for you in the next three years. Trust Him. He is faithful.

 French Polynesia!

Grace and Gratitude, by M

First of all, can I just say that I thought W's last post was fantastic!? That sets a pretty high standard... lots to live up to! Go read it if you haven't already!

Grace... you know, probably the best description that I've ever heard of what exactly grace is was a brief summary of the story of Elisabeth Elliot. (Remember her? Yes, I'm still a bit obsessed.) I don't even remember which book or blog or journal or song or whatever introduced me to her grace... grace like this. But it really, really changed my thinking about grace. Specifically, it helped me to understand the difference between grace and that other oft-referenced word - mercy.

Here's my brief attempt at summarizing (I really wish I could remember so I could share the exact quote! Maybe it'll come to me...) The story of Elisabeth Elliot goes like this:

She felt called as a young girl to follow Christ and be a missionary for Him. In college, she met her future husband, Jim Elliot, and they began what would turn out to be a 5-year courtship while both earnestly prayed for discernment about whether marriage and missions were in God's plan for them. Eventually (again, after 5 longgggg years) they both found themselves in Ecuador, and, after spending some time apart in separate rain forests on different sides of the Andes, were married. (Go read Passion and Purity and get all the details on their courtship. It is a fascinating case study in patience and faith!) They enjoyed 3ish years of blissful married life (bear in mind, these two didn't even kiss or hold hands pre-engagement...), had a daughter, and then Jim Elliot was savagely murdered by the native people he was trying to reach with the gospel. They drove a spear through his heart when he and Elisabeth's daughter was only 10 months old. It is an absolutely heartbreaking story.

Here's where grace comes in, though. Elisabeth Elliot had a couple of choices for how to respond after her husband's murder. She could've chosen bitterness. She could have chosen tolerance. She could have chosen forgiveness. She could have chosen mercy. Instead, she chose grace. You see, mercy means letting someone off the hook for the consequence that is owed them. Elisabeth Elliot could have been very merciful, and told the murderers that she forgived them, wiped away any feelings of bitterness she had towards them, and gone on with her life praying for their souls. She did all this... and then she took it a step further. She continued to live with these people, with her husbands murderers for many years. She raised her daughter among their tribe. She taught them English, prayed with them... she gave her husband's murderers, their wives, and their children hair cuts. That's grace.

While mercy is just sparing someone from what's coming to them, grace is giving someone what they don't deserve. The haircuts? It blows my mind.

I like that story because sometimes when we hear about God's grace, it becomes like a broken record that loses its meaning. I mean, of course God gives us grace... that's like His job. That's what makes God, God. But to think about grace in the context of Elisabeth Elliot makes the sacrifice of grace real again. It makes the reality of its undeservedness very clear.

Lately I have felt blessed by the gift of gratitude for this grace. I've made it a point to say "gift of gratitude" because I know this gratitude is not coming from my own heart! For example, on Monday of this week, I started my "early hours" back up at work... this means waking up an hour and a half earlier than I have had to wake up all summer. My initial reaction is to be bitter and annoyed; the temptation is to be upset at God and life for taking away something that I really loved and enjoyed. However, recently I've been able to look at my life through a clearer lens of gratitude. I can take this situation and earnestly, honestly say to myself and to God "wow, how lucky to have 3 months of sleeping in. Praise God for this summertime treat!" The same goes for many other situations and circumstances I've encountered lately. My boss (who's not a Christian) likes to remark about my consistent positive attitude/optimism... but I think it really is all about gratitude.

God doesn't owe me anything. He doesn't owe me an 8am wake-up call, He doesn't owe me vacation time... He doesn't even owe me a job at all, or an able body for work. It's easy to become entitlted; it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that God serves us and not that we serve Him. So these days I'm enjoying this gift of gratitude and trying to cultivate it. I want to be known as a person who is not upset, frustrated, angry, or bitter... but one that gives praise and witness to God through my gratitude and recognition of His grace. We all have plenty to be grateful for... not the least of which (certainly!) is Christ's death on the cross for our sins. All of the rest is just icing on the cake!