Burnt Biscuit Syndrome, by M

For all of the things (good and bad) that I took away from the "courtship" with Mr. Maturity, my favorite is the phrase "burnt biscuit." I'm not sure if this is a phrase that's common in the south, or maybe just common to Mr. Maturity's vocabulary... either way, I like it. You can use it a couple of different ways:

1) As an insult: "Last one over here's a burnt biscuit!"
2) As a threat: "Mom, this biscuit is burnt." "Say that one more time and I'll burnt biscuit you!" (Why do moms always say things like this?)
3) In a literal sense: "I prefer a non-burnt biscuit to a burnt biscuit"

or, my favorite...

4) As a simile/metaphor: "That meatloaf is as dry as a burnt biscuit!"

Maybe the alliteration is funny to me. Or maybe I just like to talk about biscuits because it makes me seem more like a native southerner than I really am. (Although, no one down here knows about the year mom did nothing but bake biscuits, and subsequently, we did nothing but eat them. What was that one recipe called - touch of grace? Also a funny phrase for a biscuit, if you ask me!) Anyway, at the end of the day, here's the thing about a burnt biscuit: it's passed over, left out, unappreciated, unwanted, and undesirable. I'm sorry, burnt biscuit, but it's rough going for you, my friend.

...I realized recently that my issue with singleness isn't that I need someone to tell me I'm pretty, or hold my hand, or take a nap with me, or make plans for Saturday night. I'm not significantly bothered by not having a sparkly ring, or not picking out and wearing a beautiful dress, or even not having sex for the forseeable future. I can deal with not having these things.

My issue with singleness is feeling like the burnt biscuit.

Moreoever, as I have recently discovered, my biggest issue is with everyone else potentially thinking I'm a burnt biscuit.

(I honestly do not know why this all didn't occur to me long ago. I've think I've been walking around these ideas for a long, long time, but only recently hit it on the head. Linguists, psychologists, and communication scholars say that we can't conceptualize an idea until we have a name for it. Perhaps Mr. Maturity's big purpose in my life was only to introduce me to "burnt biscuit"... ha!)

So, I've diagnosed myself with "Burnt Biscuit Syndrome"... now, burnt biscuit syndrome does not mean that you actually are undesirable, unwanted, passed over, etc. If that were the case, the diagnosis would just be "burnt biscuit." The syndrome, however, is when you feel like a burnt biscuit, even when you are not. Kind of like hypochondria for baked goods... It's a syndrome that is fed by lots and lots of lies that the world (and many would argue, Satan) feeds us about what makes us good and desirable as women. The good news, however, is that having a diagnosis means it's easier to craft a treatment plan. My plan? Romans 12:2 - renewing the mind.

Now that I know exactly what the problem is, I can use my "sword of the spirit" to cut those lies down as they attempt to creep into my brain. I can stand up for myself and say "I will not be a burnt biscuit, Satan, and you can't make me!" (haha I just pictured myself wielding this giant sword against an onslaught of buttery biscuits)

In all seriousness, though, this is a huge breakthrough for me. For months I have been praying "please, Lord, show me what about singleness is such a challenge for me." "Please teach me how to embrace singleness, to use it productively and not continue to chase after the idol of relationship." Now I get it. Now I can start working to convince myself of a couple of things:

1) Being single does not make me a less valuable person to God or others (au contraire, actually)
2) Being single does not put me on any kind of "B list" of adulthood.
3) Being single for this season does not mean I will automatically revert back to pre-dating, high school Monica.
3) Being single and being married is not on a vertical axis of desirability, but on a horizontal axis of timing.

I especially like that last one. (Doubly so because I made it up all by myself haha) I'm honestly starting to feel better about singleness already. Thanks God, and Mr. Maturity, for bringing this to light for me!

"Secrets of Adulthood", by M

W got me a book for Christmas this year called The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. Before I continue, two things you should know about W and me are 1) we love reading memoirs and self-help books and 2) We have a funny habit of buying each other books as gifts, but we always read them before we actually gift them. It's become a fun little twin-birthday tradition, I guess! For reasons unbeknownst to me, however, W gave me this one without "previewing" it first... perhaps because she was busy teaching, planning a wedding, acclimating to a new city, etc? Who knows. Anyway, I've been reading it recently on my lunch break at work and have enjoyed it.

The book is a memoir on the author's year-long experiment known as her "happiness project." She did TONS of research, crafted an extensive plan, and worked really hard for 12 months at trying to become a happier person. She also kept a blog, which you can check out at http://www.happiness-project.com/ if you want!

I always think it's interesting to read self-help-esque books that are written to be secular. Not to say that they are any better or any worse than decidedly Christian books... It's just always intriguing to me to see and think about all the myriad ways people try to better their condition, exclusive of religion and faith. While I do think that some of these tips and tricks are helpful and productive (trust me, W and I have used many of them and are big proponents of therapy, too) in my experience, they still always fall a little short. Perhaps it's like putting a bandaid on a cut that's infected? Sometimes we try to remedy the symptom without actually going to the root of the problem. I digress.

In the book, the author shares a big list that she created of her "Secrets of Adulthood"... and I just love it! It's pretty self-explanatory, I guess. Here's what she shares are the top things that adulthood has taught her; she also mentions that by living by these principles, she was able to feel less guilt, less pressure, etc... and more happiness as a result:

-People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think.
-It's okay to ask for help.
-Most decisions don't require extensive research.
-Do good, feel good.
-It's important to be nice to everyone.
-Bring a sweater.
-By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
-Soap and water remove most stains.
-Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
-If you can't find something, clean up.
-You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you like to do.
-Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
-What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.
-You don't have to be good at everything.
-If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
-Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
-Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
-What's fun for other poeple may not be fun for you - and vice versa.
-People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
-You can't profoundly change your children's natures by nagging them or signing them up for classes.
-No deposit, no return.

Those are all good thoughts, right!? Even though I'm barely into adulthood, almost all of those totally resonate with me. And I can see how living by these "secrets" does grant some freedom... for example, I shouldn't need to feel pressure to enjoy things that are fun for others but not fun for me. No more guilt about it!

So I got to thinking... do I have any secrets of adulthood to add to this list? I can come up with a few. Some of these are my own creation, while others are blatantly stolen from women and men far wiser than I.

-God's way is always the best way.
-If you're going to do it, do it right.
-Bring a snack.
-Find "your people." Not all people are your people.
-Carry spare change.
-We are all in progress.
-Your GPA and college major are shockingly irrelevant for many, if not most, professions.
-Practice setting and keeping boundaries.
-Nothing is more important than your health.
-It's okay to be lame.
-Be your best advocate.

Do you have any secrets of your own!? Share them with us!