Well, another month has passed... how quickly the time goes! I'm now only 16 days out from the wedding, so I can about guarantee that unless W finds some inspiration to post something, it'll be at least another month until I'm back on here. So much to do and so much will change in the next month!
Today I have had the unbelievable pleasure to take a personal "retreat day" and to spend some time reading, writing, praying, listening, and doing various other spiritual development activities. Our team at work holds each other accountable to take these days once a quarter, and it might seriously be my favorite part of my job. It is an incredible gift to be periodically forced to slow down and get reoriented in my faith and walk with God. This gift is even more appreciated in these ever-hectic days leading up to our wedding.
So, today I've read a few chapters of The Five Love Languages, listened to a sermon from Willow Creek's Intimate Encounters marriage conference, read through the whole book of Song of Solomon, and before the day is out I'll read and pray through the scripture options that my fiance and I have narrowed down for our ceremony. All these things will ensure I end up with a healthy and happy marriage, right?!
Just kidding on that. But seriously, I've been desperately trying to wrap my head around everything that has been happening lately. I normally pride myself (for better or worse) on being the kind of person that's always in control, always on top of things, always has the answers, always completes tasks before they're due, etc. Well, I had grand plans for being this way during engagement and let's just say that my reality these past few months has been... not that way. Perhaps if I had hired a wedding planner or was working only part-time or had an engagement longer than 6.5 months I'd be more successful at being the "wonder-bride" that I imagined myself to be?
In any case, the reality is that I've been doing the best I can and mostly just hanging on for dear life these last few months. And honestly, I've hated it... not the engagement itself, but feeling constantly like I'm dropping the ball, failing at everything, and letting people down. It is not the way that I prefer to operate.
Yet, I had a thought the other day that has really changed my perspective on this out-of-control environment that I'm living in. I was listening to one of my new favorite worship songs (called "Cornerstone" by Hillsong) and the first part of the chorus says this:
"Christ alone, Cornerstone
Weak made strong in the Savior's love
Through the storm, He is Lord
Lord of all."
And it hit me... this season is a storm. I had never thought of it that way because, in my mind, the word "storm" implies some terrible disaster. I felt like illness or job loss or grief or heartbreak was grounds for a "storm"... not such a fun and exciting time as engagement. Yet, the more I thought about it, the more I recognized that these last couple of months have felt just like I'm caught in a tornado or hurricane. I literally feel like every day there are real, important parts of my past, current, and future circumstances just flying past my head... and I have little time or energy to try to grab at them. My world is spinning and changing at such a rate that I'm helpless to do much but try to stay safely in the eye of the storm and watch it all happen.
Yet, for some reason naming this season as the storm that it is has given me hope. It reminds me that Christ is the Lord of this storm and He is Lord of all these things that I have little power to control right now. Christ is Lord of my wedding day and Lord of my health and Lord of my marriage. He is Lord of my time and Lord of my living situation. He is Lord of all.
Moreover, He will be most glorified not through my futile attempts at being wonder-bride, but at my sitting down and trusting Him with my life right now. The more I'm able to just receive His blessings (without feeling like I need to work to deserve them) the more He shines as the gracious Giver and the One who loved first. You know?
So, I will continue to hold on for dear life for these next 16 days, but my attention is no longer turned towards what semblance of control I can keep in my grasp, but instead to whom it is I am ultimately clinging. I pray that in the process, His power will be made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). What more can I ask for?
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Monday, January 30, 2012
How we talk about Singleness, by M
It's M again... I've instituted a new "stay home one night every week" policy to try to maintain my sanity (and my cooking/cleaning/laundry haha) and I think it may result in me updating this more consistently. Hopefully if I do, then W will also. We'll see!
Today's thought is actually one that I've been mulling over for a while. W is responsible for bringing it to my attention months ago, and to be quite honest, I had thought that I already wrote about it on here. Maybe I did? Ah well, if so I suppose it couldn't hurt to be revisted.
As I've mentioned more than once, my church has a fabulous and thriving "Singles" Ministry. It is absolutely something that drew me to the church and one of the biggest and best reasons that I have a solid friend group here in Atlanta. There are seriously thousands of "singles" at any given "gathering"... which I think is pretty cool. Where else can you go, as an out-of-college adult, and meet so many people who are like-minded and in the same stage of life as you? It has seriously been the biggest of blessings for me, and I would guess, many of those thousands of others.
That said, I've been thinking lately about the messaging that the Church (yes, big C... contemporary Christianity in general) sends to single adults. I know that this doesn't apply to every church, but it certainly applies to my experience at my church, and many of the books, articles, blogs, videos, etc about dating that I've ingested in the past couple of years. Here's what I've been thinking: in the church's efforts to not exclude or marginalize single adults, they are not doing enough to champion marriage.
In my experience, the Christian rhetoric about singleness has been a lot of this:
-"Singles ministry is NOT a dating service!"
-"Use your singleness for Christ!"
-"Don't get married unless you are mature, educated, out-of-debt, zero baggage, finished-with-your-mission-trip-traveling, have-a-401k, ready to be a 'real grown up'"
-"You do better work for Christ if you're not distracted by dating"
-"Trust God; don't waste your energy looking for a partner... He will bring you one."
-"God will give you the desires of your heart, so don't settle for less!"
Etc. etc. And truly, these are not bad bits of wisdom. They really aren't. However, I feel like all of this combined has created a culture of single Christian adults who no longer hold marriage in view of its Biblical truth and purpose. We have Christian singles who are scared of marriage, who feel that God is withholding marriage from them until they "get it together," who believe that singleness is the higher calling, and who are picky to the point that they believe that God will serve them in marriage (giving them exactly what they want) instead of the other way around.
Is it so wrong to nudge single adults towards marriage? Why don't we talk about marriage (to single adults) like the gift and the blessing that it is?
Honestly, there are some people who are called to singleness, and they are given the gift of celibacy. That is absolutely true. However, if more than 90% of people will find themselves married at some point, why are we fearful to champion marriage to single adults? I wish more churches, pastors, authors, etc would say:
-"This singles ministry is not meant to be a dating service, however, if you're interested in dating... we wish with all our hearts that you will meet someone who is in the church and loves Christ. You're in luck here!"
-"Marriage is two broken people serving Christ together. You will have baggage. It will be messy. You have a Christ-centered marriage in order to let God fill in the gaps where you will inevitably fail each other."
-"Marriage is about you serving God and not God serving you. He will give you whoever He pleases to make you more like Him, and it may look like your "list" or it may not."
-"Singleness is not a higher or holier calling. Marriage refines your godly character like a crucible in the fire. Singles and married people alike do God's work and become more like him over time."
Etc. Honestly, I think that us "singles" can handle it. I don't think we need to tiptoe around the fact that some of our peers are enjoying marriage and some of us are not yet. We already know that. I think that we are old enough and mature enough for someone to look us in the eye and say "marriage is a gift from God and unless you feel strongly that you have the gift of life-long singleness, you should go pursue it." Is that really so bad?
Today's thought is actually one that I've been mulling over for a while. W is responsible for bringing it to my attention months ago, and to be quite honest, I had thought that I already wrote about it on here. Maybe I did? Ah well, if so I suppose it couldn't hurt to be revisted.
As I've mentioned more than once, my church has a fabulous and thriving "Singles" Ministry. It is absolutely something that drew me to the church and one of the biggest and best reasons that I have a solid friend group here in Atlanta. There are seriously thousands of "singles" at any given "gathering"... which I think is pretty cool. Where else can you go, as an out-of-college adult, and meet so many people who are like-minded and in the same stage of life as you? It has seriously been the biggest of blessings for me, and I would guess, many of those thousands of others.
That said, I've been thinking lately about the messaging that the Church (yes, big C... contemporary Christianity in general) sends to single adults. I know that this doesn't apply to every church, but it certainly applies to my experience at my church, and many of the books, articles, blogs, videos, etc about dating that I've ingested in the past couple of years. Here's what I've been thinking: in the church's efforts to not exclude or marginalize single adults, they are not doing enough to champion marriage.
In my experience, the Christian rhetoric about singleness has been a lot of this:
-"Singles ministry is NOT a dating service!"
-"Use your singleness for Christ!"
-"Don't get married unless you are mature, educated, out-of-debt, zero baggage, finished-with-your-mission-trip-traveling, have-a-401k, ready to be a 'real grown up'"
-"You do better work for Christ if you're not distracted by dating"
-"Trust God; don't waste your energy looking for a partner... He will bring you one."
-"God will give you the desires of your heart, so don't settle for less!"
Etc. etc. And truly, these are not bad bits of wisdom. They really aren't. However, I feel like all of this combined has created a culture of single Christian adults who no longer hold marriage in view of its Biblical truth and purpose. We have Christian singles who are scared of marriage, who feel that God is withholding marriage from them until they "get it together," who believe that singleness is the higher calling, and who are picky to the point that they believe that God will serve them in marriage (giving them exactly what they want) instead of the other way around.
Is it so wrong to nudge single adults towards marriage? Why don't we talk about marriage (to single adults) like the gift and the blessing that it is?
Honestly, there are some people who are called to singleness, and they are given the gift of celibacy. That is absolutely true. However, if more than 90% of people will find themselves married at some point, why are we fearful to champion marriage to single adults? I wish more churches, pastors, authors, etc would say:
-"This singles ministry is not meant to be a dating service, however, if you're interested in dating... we wish with all our hearts that you will meet someone who is in the church and loves Christ. You're in luck here!"
-"Marriage is two broken people serving Christ together. You will have baggage. It will be messy. You have a Christ-centered marriage in order to let God fill in the gaps where you will inevitably fail each other."
-"Marriage is about you serving God and not God serving you. He will give you whoever He pleases to make you more like Him, and it may look like your "list" or it may not."
-"Singleness is not a higher or holier calling. Marriage refines your godly character like a crucible in the fire. Singles and married people alike do God's work and become more like him over time."
Etc. Honestly, I think that us "singles" can handle it. I don't think we need to tiptoe around the fact that some of our peers are enjoying marriage and some of us are not yet. We already know that. I think that we are old enough and mature enough for someone to look us in the eye and say "marriage is a gift from God and unless you feel strongly that you have the gift of life-long singleness, you should go pursue it." Is that really so bad?
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Tenderness, by M
Over a very long and wonderfully relaxing Christmas break, I had the pleasure of listening through a sermon series on Song of Solomon. I’ll include the link below… if my calculations are correct, I believe the recording took place around 1990, from pastor Tommy Nelson of Denton Bible Church in Texas.
I don’t know about you, but I’ll tell you that my (previous) knowledge of Song of Solomon was very limited. I knew that it was written by King Solomon, who is often regarded as the wisest man in all of history. I also knew that the story functions on two levels: one, to tell a beautiful love story between a God-fearing man and woman, and two, to serve as a metaphor for God’s love and Christ’s sacrifice for us – the church. That said, I could only get so far with it before the poetic language threw me for a loop. “[Your] teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn”? (4:2) Ummmmmm okay?
So, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how much I’ve enjoyed this series. It is 6 consecutive messages that break down the 8 chapters of Song of Solomon into 6 stages of relationships/marriage. If you click on the link, you’ll find that the messages are titled according to the stage (attraction, dating, intimacy, conflict, deepening, and faithfulness). It really is a nice combination of Bible study (he gives a lot of background and context for the poetic language and metaphors that Solomon uses) and practical takeaways. I think it’s seriously worthwhile for anyone who is single, dating, or currently married. Ie: If you are over the age of 16, this may be for you! Haha
I don’t want to regurgitate too much of what he says, because, let’s face it… he does a better job in the original than I could hope to do in my summary. That said, I’ll share my biggest takeaway, which is this:
We should expect tenderness from our men.
Tommy Nelson is ALL about tenderness. Seriously. He MEANS BUSINESS about men being tender. Here’s why:
1) In 1 Peter 3:7, it talks about women being the “weaker vessel.” Some people interpret this phrase to mean that women are inferior to men… I’m not so sure about this. If you read the whole verse, it says “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (NIV). What I’ve heard pastors and authors argue is not that weaker means inferior (as though life is one big bench press contest) but that weaker means delicate. Like comparing a thermometer to a crowbar or porcelain to plywood. How do you treat porcelain? Tenderly… because it’s breakable, it’s valuable, and it’s something to be cherished.
2) In all of the language that Solomon uses to describe his love, he consistently compares her to things that must be approached gently and tenderly. A brief list of the metaphors he uses include sheep, fawns, goats, ribbon, flowers, etc. Here’s the thing… anyone with any sense knows that you don’t run up to any baby animal with your arms flailing and voice ringing out. You don’t walk carelessly over a bed of flowers. Why not? Because the very nature of these things demands that don’t treat them coarsely, or they will either cease to exist, or cease to be near you. Lol
3) Jesus was a tender and emotional man. He is defined by love, compassion, and mercy. Author Brennan Manning writes “scripture says that the essence of the divine nature is compassion and that the heart of God is defined by tenderness.” Author Richard Foster says “God’s heart is the most sensitive and tender of all.” (Both quotes from a wonderful book by Manning called Abba’s Child – go read it!) Here’s one more: “Jesus is a man in a way that we have forgotten men can be… the gospel portrait of the beloved Child of Abba is that of a man exquisitely attuned to his emotions and uninhabited in his expressing them” (Manning).
Thus, the Bible gives clear direction on the importance of tenderness in all three major sections: Old Testament, Gospels, and the epistles. However, we don’t tend to have much of an expectation for men on this front, do we? I know I didn’t.
We tend to think “boys will be boys” and “men will be men” and “I keep him around because he opens pickle jars and is great at fixing the dryer when it breaks.” And don’t get me wrong, God made men to be masculine… and they should be. But it’s also clear that they should be tender… and that we, as women, have a right to be treated like something precious, and valuable, and praise-worthy (again with dear Solomon – Proverbs 31:30).
So, I encourage you to think about this. I encourage you to pray over God’s design for the kind of treatment you deserve from men and make sure you’re getting it… or getting out. And when you have 6 hours to spare, check out the whole sermon series (for free!) on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/denton-bible-church-love-song/id148822180
I don’t know about you, but I’ll tell you that my (previous) knowledge of Song of Solomon was very limited. I knew that it was written by King Solomon, who is often regarded as the wisest man in all of history. I also knew that the story functions on two levels: one, to tell a beautiful love story between a God-fearing man and woman, and two, to serve as a metaphor for God’s love and Christ’s sacrifice for us – the church. That said, I could only get so far with it before the poetic language threw me for a loop. “[Your] teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn”? (4:2) Ummmmmm okay?
So, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how much I’ve enjoyed this series. It is 6 consecutive messages that break down the 8 chapters of Song of Solomon into 6 stages of relationships/marriage. If you click on the link, you’ll find that the messages are titled according to the stage (attraction, dating, intimacy, conflict, deepening, and faithfulness). It really is a nice combination of Bible study (he gives a lot of background and context for the poetic language and metaphors that Solomon uses) and practical takeaways. I think it’s seriously worthwhile for anyone who is single, dating, or currently married. Ie: If you are over the age of 16, this may be for you! Haha
I don’t want to regurgitate too much of what he says, because, let’s face it… he does a better job in the original than I could hope to do in my summary. That said, I’ll share my biggest takeaway, which is this:
We should expect tenderness from our men.
Tommy Nelson is ALL about tenderness. Seriously. He MEANS BUSINESS about men being tender. Here’s why:
1) In 1 Peter 3:7, it talks about women being the “weaker vessel.” Some people interpret this phrase to mean that women are inferior to men… I’m not so sure about this. If you read the whole verse, it says “Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (NIV). What I’ve heard pastors and authors argue is not that weaker means inferior (as though life is one big bench press contest) but that weaker means delicate. Like comparing a thermometer to a crowbar or porcelain to plywood. How do you treat porcelain? Tenderly… because it’s breakable, it’s valuable, and it’s something to be cherished.
2) In all of the language that Solomon uses to describe his love, he consistently compares her to things that must be approached gently and tenderly. A brief list of the metaphors he uses include sheep, fawns, goats, ribbon, flowers, etc. Here’s the thing… anyone with any sense knows that you don’t run up to any baby animal with your arms flailing and voice ringing out. You don’t walk carelessly over a bed of flowers. Why not? Because the very nature of these things demands that don’t treat them coarsely, or they will either cease to exist, or cease to be near you. Lol
3) Jesus was a tender and emotional man. He is defined by love, compassion, and mercy. Author Brennan Manning writes “scripture says that the essence of the divine nature is compassion and that the heart of God is defined by tenderness.” Author Richard Foster says “God’s heart is the most sensitive and tender of all.” (Both quotes from a wonderful book by Manning called Abba’s Child – go read it!) Here’s one more: “Jesus is a man in a way that we have forgotten men can be… the gospel portrait of the beloved Child of Abba is that of a man exquisitely attuned to his emotions and uninhabited in his expressing them” (Manning).
Thus, the Bible gives clear direction on the importance of tenderness in all three major sections: Old Testament, Gospels, and the epistles. However, we don’t tend to have much of an expectation for men on this front, do we? I know I didn’t.
We tend to think “boys will be boys” and “men will be men” and “I keep him around because he opens pickle jars and is great at fixing the dryer when it breaks.” And don’t get me wrong, God made men to be masculine… and they should be. But it’s also clear that they should be tender… and that we, as women, have a right to be treated like something precious, and valuable, and praise-worthy (again with dear Solomon – Proverbs 31:30).
So, I encourage you to think about this. I encourage you to pray over God’s design for the kind of treatment you deserve from men and make sure you’re getting it… or getting out. And when you have 6 hours to spare, check out the whole sermon series (for free!) on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/denton-bible-church-love-song/id148822180
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Design of Diversity, by M
This post is going to be a little bit of an addendum to my previous blog about finding a "biblically-qualified" spouse. So, if you haven't read that one... maybe you should!
Here's the thing: I'm pretty sure those of us who are not married, or not yet in a serious-to-the-point-of-probable-marriage relationship, spend a heck of a lot of time thinking about who it is that we will eventually marry. We make lists of what qualities they will and won't have, we mentally note all of the cute things that men in the moies do that we hope they will do, and we watch and scrunitize all other men (taken or not, married or not) and keep a mental tally of what we hope for and what we certainly wish to avoid. Let's be honest, it totally happens... a lot.
And so, we take all of this time, and lists, and hopes, and tallies, and dreams, and desires, and we make a nice little mental file that we label "husband!" and it all seems well and good. Those of us who are Christian women also make very sure that all of those biblical qualifications are snugly situated in the file, and all of those secret-warning-signs-that-tell-you-he's-not-really-a-Christian-even-when-he-might-say-that-he-is are left very much OUT of it. And then we wait, and we look, and we try to be patient, and we keep our eyes peeled... and we wait some more, and we look some more and we think that one day we'll stumble upon someone who just fits perfectly into the little husband mold that we've built for ourselves. And then we'll know that it's the right one because it just fits... like magic! Like God designed it!
-----
Okay, so I went to this meeting at church on Friday and I heard a statement that has kind of haunted me all weekend. And it wasn't even intended to speak at all to this issue of who ends up as our husbands and who doesn't... but I can't get it out of my head, and I can't stop thinking about how it pertains to this. Maybe that means it's something worth paying attention to? The statement was this:
We tend to see others as flawed versions of ourselves.
Think about it. It's true. We have conflict with the people who are most unlike us because we literally cannot figure out why they just can't get it together and start thinking the way we think and being the way we are. We rarely value difference... In fact, perhaps the only time we readily value it is when it directly benefits us. Think about it. Pretty much every other time we find difference to be frustrating, annoying, bothersome, etc. That's not much middle ground; either it's fine because we're benefitting, or it's impossible because we're not.
So then this leads us to another thought, which is this:
We tend to value people and traits more highly that are the most like us.
Again, we all totally do this. Of course, we think that we were all designed and/or raised the "right way" and that the things that come easily to us do (or should) come easily to others. It's so very difficult to understand how something so natural as our gifts should be challenging for someone else to master. So, we tend to gravitate towards people who share our gifts, and we also tend to value those people more highly than others.
Here's the rub, though. In doing this... in gravitating towards people like us... we align ourselves with people who not only have the same strengths, but who also have the same brokenness. I like the word brokenness here better than the more conventional word "weakness." Because let's be honest, two people with two equally weak legs can still run a race, albeit slowly. Two people with equally broken legs. Um, no. Not at all. The Bible makes it clear that we are all broken... not simply weak.
So, God in His great wisdom and mercy designs diversity to solve this problem. If one person has a broken foot and one person has a broken nose, they can complete that race, certainly. It won't be pretty, but that's the nature of the fall, right? This is not news to us; God tells us throughout the Bible that His design is diversity and that diversity is intended to grow us, help us, complete us (in some ways), and strengthen us (1 Corinthians 12). We know this. Woo hoo! It's all good!
But really, here's the thing that's been haunting me about it. I have made my little mental husband mold out of traits and characteristics that I value. Which means that I've crafted my future husband to be made up of all the same ingredients that I am... Which means that I've been potentially setting myself up to run the most important race there is with two broken legs. And let me tell you what... I have found men like this, and they just fit so nicely into the mold I had in my head... and the race was ROUGH. And the race ended with far more broken bones than we started with... both of us limping away in opposite directions. Why am I surprised? And why do I continue to think that it will work the next time, even though I refuse to change the formula?
The thought of throwing out the list, the tallies, the expectations, the hopes, etc terrifies me. Yet, it's becoming ever clear that my own mind and heart is not to be trusted in truly knowing what is best for me. So what am I left with? What are we left with?
1) Accepting possibilities
2) Preparing for curveballs
3) Praying, praying, praying, praying.
...and not praying that God will give us just what we want. I'm talking, praying, praying, praying about whether the one we have (now, maybe, or in the future, God-willing) might just be the one He wants... even if it doesn't look like we expected.
Here's the thing: I'm pretty sure those of us who are not married, or not yet in a serious-to-the-point-of-probable-marriage relationship, spend a heck of a lot of time thinking about who it is that we will eventually marry. We make lists of what qualities they will and won't have, we mentally note all of the cute things that men in the moies do that we hope they will do, and we watch and scrunitize all other men (taken or not, married or not) and keep a mental tally of what we hope for and what we certainly wish to avoid. Let's be honest, it totally happens... a lot.
And so, we take all of this time, and lists, and hopes, and tallies, and dreams, and desires, and we make a nice little mental file that we label "husband!" and it all seems well and good. Those of us who are Christian women also make very sure that all of those biblical qualifications are snugly situated in the file, and all of those secret-warning-signs-that-tell-you-he's-not-really-a-Christian-even-when-he-might-say-that-he-is are left very much OUT of it. And then we wait, and we look, and we try to be patient, and we keep our eyes peeled... and we wait some more, and we look some more and we think that one day we'll stumble upon someone who just fits perfectly into the little husband mold that we've built for ourselves. And then we'll know that it's the right one because it just fits... like magic! Like God designed it!
-----
Okay, so I went to this meeting at church on Friday and I heard a statement that has kind of haunted me all weekend. And it wasn't even intended to speak at all to this issue of who ends up as our husbands and who doesn't... but I can't get it out of my head, and I can't stop thinking about how it pertains to this. Maybe that means it's something worth paying attention to? The statement was this:
We tend to see others as flawed versions of ourselves.
Think about it. It's true. We have conflict with the people who are most unlike us because we literally cannot figure out why they just can't get it together and start thinking the way we think and being the way we are. We rarely value difference... In fact, perhaps the only time we readily value it is when it directly benefits us. Think about it. Pretty much every other time we find difference to be frustrating, annoying, bothersome, etc. That's not much middle ground; either it's fine because we're benefitting, or it's impossible because we're not.
So then this leads us to another thought, which is this:
We tend to value people and traits more highly that are the most like us.
Again, we all totally do this. Of course, we think that we were all designed and/or raised the "right way" and that the things that come easily to us do (or should) come easily to others. It's so very difficult to understand how something so natural as our gifts should be challenging for someone else to master. So, we tend to gravitate towards people who share our gifts, and we also tend to value those people more highly than others.
Here's the rub, though. In doing this... in gravitating towards people like us... we align ourselves with people who not only have the same strengths, but who also have the same brokenness. I like the word brokenness here better than the more conventional word "weakness." Because let's be honest, two people with two equally weak legs can still run a race, albeit slowly. Two people with equally broken legs. Um, no. Not at all. The Bible makes it clear that we are all broken... not simply weak.
So, God in His great wisdom and mercy designs diversity to solve this problem. If one person has a broken foot and one person has a broken nose, they can complete that race, certainly. It won't be pretty, but that's the nature of the fall, right? This is not news to us; God tells us throughout the Bible that His design is diversity and that diversity is intended to grow us, help us, complete us (in some ways), and strengthen us (1 Corinthians 12). We know this. Woo hoo! It's all good!
But really, here's the thing that's been haunting me about it. I have made my little mental husband mold out of traits and characteristics that I value. Which means that I've crafted my future husband to be made up of all the same ingredients that I am... Which means that I've been potentially setting myself up to run the most important race there is with two broken legs. And let me tell you what... I have found men like this, and they just fit so nicely into the mold I had in my head... and the race was ROUGH. And the race ended with far more broken bones than we started with... both of us limping away in opposite directions. Why am I surprised? And why do I continue to think that it will work the next time, even though I refuse to change the formula?
The thought of throwing out the list, the tallies, the expectations, the hopes, etc terrifies me. Yet, it's becoming ever clear that my own mind and heart is not to be trusted in truly knowing what is best for me. So what am I left with? What are we left with?
1) Accepting possibilities
2) Preparing for curveballs
3) Praying, praying, praying, praying.
...and not praying that God will give us just what we want. I'm talking, praying, praying, praying about whether the one we have (now, maybe, or in the future, God-willing) might just be the one He wants... even if it doesn't look like we expected.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
A "Biblically Qualified" Spouse, by M
The other day I went back and read through some of these blog posts. Can I just say that I love journaling and blogging? I know it's not everyone's thing... but I just love getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper(?). I feel like I can breathe easier when things are put out there and not flying through my brain at lightening speed. I'm always fascinated when I can go back and read my journals from months and years past... it's so funny to be reminded of what was going on at that time and how I felt about it. Something that strikes me when I go back and reread is how strong my faith always seems. I guess in-the-moment it always seems like a meager attempt, and then looking back I find myself consistently impressed by it. I think that's just the nature of faith... "if you had faith like a mustard seed"... It's all that it takes!
Anyway, I recently reread my previous post about the "dating covenant," and it was good stuff! Although, I discovered that I had said that I would mention the idea of being "biblically qualified" for marriage in a future post... and turns out I never did. Oops! So, ladies and gentlemen (I'm pretty sure no gentlemen read this, but you never know...) here it is!
I came across this idea of being a "biblically qualified" spouse when I was reading through an online resource of Christian dating articles called "The Single Guy's Guide to Marrying Well." Now, of course I wanted to read through that! I had to know what all of these Christian marriage experts were saying about how to choose the right woman! Maybe it would teach me how to be the right woman!? So, I read through the entire thing in like one afternoon and much of it was thought-provoking and interesting. In fact, I found it, on the whole, to be far more interesting than "The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying Well." Maybe I'm just tired of the same old message that the church sends single women? Anyway, I digress. You can access one or both of the guides by visiting www.boundless.org and then you can make a decision for yourself!
Okay, so as I was skimming the articles, I came across one that was cleverly titled "Stop Test-Driving your Girlfriend." Ah ha! Perfect! Teach me, o article of wisdom, what is the key to avoiding being a "test drive" and instead being the keeper! Yes! As I anticipated, it was full of nuggets of wisdom... perhaps the most significant being the idea of "biblical qualification." See the gist of the article was this...
God has a purpose for marriage. God has a plan for you. God wants you to date someone who is qualified for that purpose... and He likely doesn't care about the rest of your "perfect spouse" laundry list, which is likely irrelevant.
But what about the fact that my husband must be over 6 feet tall? What about my childhood dream of marrying a firefighter?! How am I ever going to have green-eyed children if both my husband and I have brown!? Ahhhh! I thought that God grants the desires of our hearts!?!?!
Well, no... not according to the article. It argued that the problem with the way many Christian singles view marriage is that it's consumerist. It's "what can God do for me?"... It's "let me take my laundry list to God and then He'll serve me and give me what I want." That's a problem. The design is for us to serve God... for marriage to serve God. Why do we think it will work the other way around?
So, the article argues that we need to change the way we think about dating for marriage, and that starts with asking the right questions. It starts with NOT asking "is this person right for me?" (again, since it's not all about us) and instead asking "is this person biblically qualified?" Meaning... would God approve of this person for my marriage? You see, the terrifying thing is that God sets out shockingly few qualifications for marriage material. They are important... but few. Which leads us to believe that if a person satisfies these few, perhaps it matters not to God where they fall on anything else. Perhaps this means we're destined to be with a 5'4" non-firefighting hazel-eyed man. Who knows?
Now, how do we tell if someone is biblically qualified? Well, look to the Bible! Or, even easier, peruse the following list and treat yourself to some serious honesty:
For you:
1) Are you thinking like a servant or like a consumer?
2) Do you have a proper understanding of God's design for marriage?
3) Does your relationship with Christ define your life and actions?
4) Are you biblically qualified?
For him or her:
1) Does s/he radiate true godliness and internal beauty?
2) Generally speaking, will you be able to serve God better together than apart?
3) Do you desire to fulfill the biblical role of a husband or wife with this person, as outlined in scripture?
4) Does this relationship spur you on in your Christian discipleship, or does it dull and distract your interest in the Lord and His people? Are you more or less eager to study God's Word, pray and give yourself in service as a result of time spent together?
5) Do you think s/he will make a good discipler of your children?
6) What do other mature Christian friends and family members say about your relationship? Do they see a relationship that is spiritually solid and God-glorifying?
And that, my friends, is what it's all about. And if that's all that God cares about, then I'm pretty sure that's all that we're supposed to care about. Scary! But, in the end, we'd rather have a marriage with someone who satisfies these things, than with someone who satisfies our silly list of superficials... I mean, right?
Anyway, I recently reread my previous post about the "dating covenant," and it was good stuff! Although, I discovered that I had said that I would mention the idea of being "biblically qualified" for marriage in a future post... and turns out I never did. Oops! So, ladies and gentlemen (I'm pretty sure no gentlemen read this, but you never know...) here it is!
I came across this idea of being a "biblically qualified" spouse when I was reading through an online resource of Christian dating articles called "The Single Guy's Guide to Marrying Well." Now, of course I wanted to read through that! I had to know what all of these Christian marriage experts were saying about how to choose the right woman! Maybe it would teach me how to be the right woman!? So, I read through the entire thing in like one afternoon and much of it was thought-provoking and interesting. In fact, I found it, on the whole, to be far more interesting than "The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying Well." Maybe I'm just tired of the same old message that the church sends single women? Anyway, I digress. You can access one or both of the guides by visiting www.boundless.org and then you can make a decision for yourself!
Okay, so as I was skimming the articles, I came across one that was cleverly titled "Stop Test-Driving your Girlfriend." Ah ha! Perfect! Teach me, o article of wisdom, what is the key to avoiding being a "test drive" and instead being the keeper! Yes! As I anticipated, it was full of nuggets of wisdom... perhaps the most significant being the idea of "biblical qualification." See the gist of the article was this...
God has a purpose for marriage. God has a plan for you. God wants you to date someone who is qualified for that purpose... and He likely doesn't care about the rest of your "perfect spouse" laundry list, which is likely irrelevant.
But what about the fact that my husband must be over 6 feet tall? What about my childhood dream of marrying a firefighter?! How am I ever going to have green-eyed children if both my husband and I have brown!? Ahhhh! I thought that God grants the desires of our hearts!?!?!
Well, no... not according to the article. It argued that the problem with the way many Christian singles view marriage is that it's consumerist. It's "what can God do for me?"... It's "let me take my laundry list to God and then He'll serve me and give me what I want." That's a problem. The design is for us to serve God... for marriage to serve God. Why do we think it will work the other way around?
So, the article argues that we need to change the way we think about dating for marriage, and that starts with asking the right questions. It starts with NOT asking "is this person right for me?" (again, since it's not all about us) and instead asking "is this person biblically qualified?" Meaning... would God approve of this person for my marriage? You see, the terrifying thing is that God sets out shockingly few qualifications for marriage material. They are important... but few. Which leads us to believe that if a person satisfies these few, perhaps it matters not to God where they fall on anything else. Perhaps this means we're destined to be with a 5'4" non-firefighting hazel-eyed man. Who knows?
Now, how do we tell if someone is biblically qualified? Well, look to the Bible! Or, even easier, peruse the following list and treat yourself to some serious honesty:
For you:
1) Are you thinking like a servant or like a consumer?
2) Do you have a proper understanding of God's design for marriage?
3) Does your relationship with Christ define your life and actions?
4) Are you biblically qualified?
For him or her:
1) Does s/he radiate true godliness and internal beauty?
2) Generally speaking, will you be able to serve God better together than apart?
3) Do you desire to fulfill the biblical role of a husband or wife with this person, as outlined in scripture?
4) Does this relationship spur you on in your Christian discipleship, or does it dull and distract your interest in the Lord and His people? Are you more or less eager to study God's Word, pray and give yourself in service as a result of time spent together?
5) Do you think s/he will make a good discipler of your children?
6) What do other mature Christian friends and family members say about your relationship? Do they see a relationship that is spiritually solid and God-glorifying?
And that, my friends, is what it's all about. And if that's all that God cares about, then I'm pretty sure that's all that we're supposed to care about. Scary! But, in the end, we'd rather have a marriage with someone who satisfies these things, than with someone who satisfies our silly list of superficials... I mean, right?
Saturday, August 20, 2011
My Heart Today
It's W today. I've been busy lately, and two of T's bosses have been on vacation for several days so his workload has lessened to the point where I have a husband who's home at 7pm for consecutive nights! It's been crazy and awesome. FYI, it's also still weird to say the phrase "I have a husband."
I had planned all week to write this big post about work-- mainly in reference to my spending 2 hours at the DMV this week-- and how the Lord calls us to work as though we were working for Him and not for man. I was all set to give my usual, "This is your JOB!" rant about people (i.e. those at the DMV) who have no passion for their jobs and who aren't even kind to the people they serve. People who duck out of work early and who text and facebook on the job and who breathe with their mouths open and don't even pretend that they're glad to be there.
Alas, my heart's not in it today. Not that I don't love telling other people how to do their jobs and how they should behave (and breathe, for that matter)-- because, Lord knows, I do. Judgement and I-know-everything attitude included. But today, my heart and my mind are focused on the reality that I am no longer in control of my future.
I know, I know-- that's a pretty dramatic statement. And in reality, anyone who is a follower of Christ should offer up their future to whatever God's will may be. But I'm not talking about that-- I'm talking about marriage.
It hit me hard yesterday that my life is now tied with T's, and our livelihood and the livelihood of our future family is dependent on T's job and not mine, and this means that I go where he goes, and he goes where the job of choice happens to be.
And it hit me that I may never live in Nashville again. Even though it is one of the strongest desires of my heart. Even though, if I were single, I'd move there in a heartbeat and get my masters in the education of students with visual impairments and vandy would pay for it. Even though I daydream about being back where it's warm, and back where my community is, and back where the cost of living is reasonable and where I can go to Trader Joe's without parking in a parking garage.
It hit me that I may never get a full-time job at Special Olympics, because my networking contacts are all in Tennessee rather than Illinois.
It hit me that in a few years I probably won't be working anyway.
And I KNEW all of this going in, and I am happy that I married T, and I'd rather be with him and be in Chicago than be anywhere else, doing anything else. And yes, my desires matter and my dreams and ideas have input. But when it comes down to it, if there's a job for him here (or in Dallas, or in Charlotte) and no where else, than that's where we go.
And that's the reality that I am settling into-- the reality that my life isn't all about my needs and my wants and getting things my way (and frankly, it's not T's way either-- he doesn't want to go to Dallas or Charlotte or wherever we end up just as much as I don't), but it's about following God's plan for our lives rather than just my own.
And this is where I begin to understand that God's design for marriage is to make us holy rather than happy, and what it means to deny oneself for the sake of God's will even if it doesn't align with our own desires.
But man, I want to get back to Nashville.
And that's what's on my heart today.
I had planned all week to write this big post about work-- mainly in reference to my spending 2 hours at the DMV this week-- and how the Lord calls us to work as though we were working for Him and not for man. I was all set to give my usual, "This is your JOB!" rant about people (i.e. those at the DMV) who have no passion for their jobs and who aren't even kind to the people they serve. People who duck out of work early and who text and facebook on the job and who breathe with their mouths open and don't even pretend that they're glad to be there.
Alas, my heart's not in it today. Not that I don't love telling other people how to do their jobs and how they should behave (and breathe, for that matter)-- because, Lord knows, I do. Judgement and I-know-everything attitude included. But today, my heart and my mind are focused on the reality that I am no longer in control of my future.
I know, I know-- that's a pretty dramatic statement. And in reality, anyone who is a follower of Christ should offer up their future to whatever God's will may be. But I'm not talking about that-- I'm talking about marriage.
It hit me hard yesterday that my life is now tied with T's, and our livelihood and the livelihood of our future family is dependent on T's job and not mine, and this means that I go where he goes, and he goes where the job of choice happens to be.
And it hit me that I may never live in Nashville again. Even though it is one of the strongest desires of my heart. Even though, if I were single, I'd move there in a heartbeat and get my masters in the education of students with visual impairments and vandy would pay for it. Even though I daydream about being back where it's warm, and back where my community is, and back where the cost of living is reasonable and where I can go to Trader Joe's without parking in a parking garage.
It hit me that I may never get a full-time job at Special Olympics, because my networking contacts are all in Tennessee rather than Illinois.
It hit me that in a few years I probably won't be working anyway.
And I KNEW all of this going in, and I am happy that I married T, and I'd rather be with him and be in Chicago than be anywhere else, doing anything else. And yes, my desires matter and my dreams and ideas have input. But when it comes down to it, if there's a job for him here (or in Dallas, or in Charlotte) and no where else, than that's where we go.
And that's the reality that I am settling into-- the reality that my life isn't all about my needs and my wants and getting things my way (and frankly, it's not T's way either-- he doesn't want to go to Dallas or Charlotte or wherever we end up just as much as I don't), but it's about following God's plan for our lives rather than just my own.
And this is where I begin to understand that God's design for marriage is to make us holy rather than happy, and what it means to deny oneself for the sake of God's will even if it doesn't align with our own desires.
But man, I want to get back to Nashville.
And that's what's on my heart today.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Regarding T's Job and my Struggle with Patience
It's W again! Alive and well and enjoying the fact that it's still summer in Chicago.
You know what I'm not enjoying? T's job.
I don't know how much I have discussed with you all the circumstances of T's job or how it affects our relationship. Here's a brief run-down:
-T works as an investment banking analyst with a boutique firm here in Chicago focused on M & A work in the automotive and industrials industries.
-Consistent with most IB analysts, he works anywhere from 80-115 hours a week. Yes, you read that correctly.
-On an average night, he gets home between 2 and 3 in the morning, only to get up, shower, and return to work by 8:30am.
-He typically works at least 10 hours over the course of Saturday and Sunday on most weekends.
-He is always on-call, meaning that at ANY time, his bosses can call him into work and he must report.
Sounds miserable, right? It's actually a highly sought-after career choice because the compensation is high, as is the prestige level and it apparently sets a person up pretty well for future endeavors.
What this means for me? I miss my husband. I can never make plans. I never know when he's going to be home, and if he is home, how often he'll stay here. I start preparing for work at 7am so this means, in a typical 24-hour period, our paths cross for roughly 4 hours in the middle of the night when I have already been asleep for hours and he is a walking zombie as he crashes into bed.
I say this not to elicit pity, because we all know than I signed up for this. I entered into this marriage knowing full-well that for at least another year, this would be our reality. I say this to help give context for you to understand how the Lord is using this situation to teach me patience.
After a year of teaching first grade, I thought I was THROUGH learning about patience. I thought it wouldn't be possible for me to ever be in a situation again that required more patience. Well, folks, I've been back in Chicago for just over a week and the patience train is calling me to hop aboard.
I hate being patient. As much as I don't like to admit it, I am a big fan of instant gratification. I want what I want and I want it NOW. I don't like to wait, and I certainly don't like to wait while it's uncomfortable and painful.
But in this season of patience (both waiting for T to come home each night and waiting for the days when he has a job with more normal hours), the Lord is teaching me many things:
1. Again, that my life is not all about me.
2. That I need to lean on Him for my fulfillment and joy.
3. That He has made me capable of more than I would've believed a year ago (T's not available to help me dig my car out of the snow? T's not available to assemble the desk from Office Depot? Guess that's my job now!)
4. That the love of God can be felt so closely through the connections I have with my wonderfully supportive friends and family members.
5. That I need to trust in the truth that He has made everything beautiful in His own time.
So, that's what I'm learning. And I HATE that I have to learn it because I'd rather have a husband who is home at 6pm to eat dinner and help me do the dishes, to watch TV with me and talk about our days and cuddle before bed, etc. But that isn't our season right now, so I'm trying to accept these lessons as a blessing for this time.
You know what I'm not enjoying? T's job.
I don't know how much I have discussed with you all the circumstances of T's job or how it affects our relationship. Here's a brief run-down:
-T works as an investment banking analyst with a boutique firm here in Chicago focused on M & A work in the automotive and industrials industries.
-Consistent with most IB analysts, he works anywhere from 80-115 hours a week. Yes, you read that correctly.
-On an average night, he gets home between 2 and 3 in the morning, only to get up, shower, and return to work by 8:30am.
-He typically works at least 10 hours over the course of Saturday and Sunday on most weekends.
-He is always on-call, meaning that at ANY time, his bosses can call him into work and he must report.
Sounds miserable, right? It's actually a highly sought-after career choice because the compensation is high, as is the prestige level and it apparently sets a person up pretty well for future endeavors.
What this means for me? I miss my husband. I can never make plans. I never know when he's going to be home, and if he is home, how often he'll stay here. I start preparing for work at 7am so this means, in a typical 24-hour period, our paths cross for roughly 4 hours in the middle of the night when I have already been asleep for hours and he is a walking zombie as he crashes into bed.
I say this not to elicit pity, because we all know than I signed up for this. I entered into this marriage knowing full-well that for at least another year, this would be our reality. I say this to help give context for you to understand how the Lord is using this situation to teach me patience.
After a year of teaching first grade, I thought I was THROUGH learning about patience. I thought it wouldn't be possible for me to ever be in a situation again that required more patience. Well, folks, I've been back in Chicago for just over a week and the patience train is calling me to hop aboard.
I hate being patient. As much as I don't like to admit it, I am a big fan of instant gratification. I want what I want and I want it NOW. I don't like to wait, and I certainly don't like to wait while it's uncomfortable and painful.
But in this season of patience (both waiting for T to come home each night and waiting for the days when he has a job with more normal hours), the Lord is teaching me many things:
1. Again, that my life is not all about me.
2. That I need to lean on Him for my fulfillment and joy.
3. That He has made me capable of more than I would've believed a year ago (T's not available to help me dig my car out of the snow? T's not available to assemble the desk from Office Depot? Guess that's my job now!)
4. That the love of God can be felt so closely through the connections I have with my wonderfully supportive friends and family members.
5. That I need to trust in the truth that He has made everything beautiful in His own time.
So, that's what I'm learning. And I HATE that I have to learn it because I'd rather have a husband who is home at 6pm to eat dinner and help me do the dishes, to watch TV with me and talk about our days and cuddle before bed, etc. But that isn't our season right now, so I'm trying to accept these lessons as a blessing for this time.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Idolatry and my New Kitchen
Hello friends! I am back from my very long hiatus and I am now officially a married woman! Although, I haven't changed my last name just yet, which, if you are not married and haven't looked into it, is actually rather complicated and time consuming. So for now, I am "W" only metaphorically and not legally, haha.
I will spare you all the details of the wedding and honeymoon and the awesomeness of the last few weeks, but believe me when I say that I had the best wedding EVER, that I have the best family and the best husband (ahh! husband!) in the whole entire world, and that I am blessed beyond belief. If you want a run-down of my top 10 favorite moments from the wedding/honeymoon, check out my post from yesterday on my personal blog!
This post isn't about the wedding, or about marriage, although I'm sure I'll be writing about both topics pretty soon.
No, this post is about my new kitchen.
See, I lived in a REALLY crappy apartment last year. It wasn't great to begin with, and was made much worse by two roommates who were not as clean as I would've liked. Maybe my former roommates would beg to differ but I really don't think I'm a super neat freak or OCD about cleanliness so much that I just want to live and cook in a place that does not have bugs, mysterious smells, or mold in the fridge. I love to cook, but in that apartment, I cooked only when completely necessary and not without doing a complete swabbing of the kitchen in Lysol wipes. My cooking hobby become nearly nil.
Since moving in with T as of Friday, I am having a bit of an idolizing relationship with my new kitchen. I saw idolizing because I have been prioritizing it above pretty much all else, including my own personal hygiene (irony, yes?), unpacking, and yes, my quiet time. I am enthralled with its granite countertops, large pantry and numerous cabinets. I fantasize about all the cooking and entertaining I will do there, and spend lots of T's time marveling at the fact that it's MY kitchen. "No," he says, "It's ours." And I say, "Well, technically yes but I will be the ONLY ONE cooking in it."
And this is a first for me. I have never had a kitchen before where I am its only cook. This means the freezer space is ALL MINE, the tupperware is ALL MINE, the condiments and spatulas and ziplock baggies and the sacks of potatoes in a cool dark space are ALL MINE. And I'm thrilled.
I intend to make lots of new and interesting things like salads with candied hazelnuts and apple slices, homemade lettuce wraps with hoisin chicken and water chestnuts, endless batches of crock pot chili made extra thick with no kidney beans cause it's MY kitchen and MY chili and I do what I want.
And this is where the idolatry comes in. You see, idolatry is an interesting topic in the Bible. It's not as heavily condemned as coveting, at least in terms of the 10 Commandments, but it's not altogether different. Coveting is lusting after something you do not have, and idolatry is lusting over something that you do have to the point that you desire it more than you desire God. And it certainly sounds like I'm lusting over the kitchen, huh?
I think it's easy to get caught in the trap of loving the blessings more than the Blesser. That's what I've noticed in myself these last few weeks when I have been remarkably and undeservedly blessed by SO MANY THINGS. I've realized how much I love the blessings, how much I love being the center of T's and everyone else's attention, how I love the gifts and my new sparkly, matching wedding band, and having a two-week long fantastic Caribbean honeymoon and yes, how much I love my new kitchen.
And it's okay to appreciate and be grateful for these things. But if love comes from God and is God, I can be assured that His desire is NOT that I spend my time and energy using the love He gives me on things rather than people.
So, I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to appreciate while acknowledging that everything I have is undeserved and a gift from Him that he reserves the right to revoke at any time, and that I am called to be joyful regardless. I'm trying to see Him moving in all areas of my life-- not just those that are shiny and new and exciting because of my new marriage and new job. I'm trying to remember that every time I approach anything with an "ALL MINE" attitude I am both insulting the Creator by whom and for whom everything is created, and also insulting myself by believing that I am what really matters in my life.
HE is what really matters in my life.
I will spare you all the details of the wedding and honeymoon and the awesomeness of the last few weeks, but believe me when I say that I had the best wedding EVER, that I have the best family and the best husband (ahh! husband!) in the whole entire world, and that I am blessed beyond belief. If you want a run-down of my top 10 favorite moments from the wedding/honeymoon, check out my post from yesterday on my personal blog!
This post isn't about the wedding, or about marriage, although I'm sure I'll be writing about both topics pretty soon.
No, this post is about my new kitchen.
See, I lived in a REALLY crappy apartment last year. It wasn't great to begin with, and was made much worse by two roommates who were not as clean as I would've liked. Maybe my former roommates would beg to differ but I really don't think I'm a super neat freak or OCD about cleanliness so much that I just want to live and cook in a place that does not have bugs, mysterious smells, or mold in the fridge. I love to cook, but in that apartment, I cooked only when completely necessary and not without doing a complete swabbing of the kitchen in Lysol wipes. My cooking hobby become nearly nil.
Since moving in with T as of Friday, I am having a bit of an idolizing relationship with my new kitchen. I saw idolizing because I have been prioritizing it above pretty much all else, including my own personal hygiene (irony, yes?), unpacking, and yes, my quiet time. I am enthralled with its granite countertops, large pantry and numerous cabinets. I fantasize about all the cooking and entertaining I will do there, and spend lots of T's time marveling at the fact that it's MY kitchen. "No," he says, "It's ours." And I say, "Well, technically yes but I will be the ONLY ONE cooking in it."
And this is a first for me. I have never had a kitchen before where I am its only cook. This means the freezer space is ALL MINE, the tupperware is ALL MINE, the condiments and spatulas and ziplock baggies and the sacks of potatoes in a cool dark space are ALL MINE. And I'm thrilled.
I intend to make lots of new and interesting things like salads with candied hazelnuts and apple slices, homemade lettuce wraps with hoisin chicken and water chestnuts, endless batches of crock pot chili made extra thick with no kidney beans cause it's MY kitchen and MY chili and I do what I want.
And this is where the idolatry comes in. You see, idolatry is an interesting topic in the Bible. It's not as heavily condemned as coveting, at least in terms of the 10 Commandments, but it's not altogether different. Coveting is lusting after something you do not have, and idolatry is lusting over something that you do have to the point that you desire it more than you desire God. And it certainly sounds like I'm lusting over the kitchen, huh?
I think it's easy to get caught in the trap of loving the blessings more than the Blesser. That's what I've noticed in myself these last few weeks when I have been remarkably and undeservedly blessed by SO MANY THINGS. I've realized how much I love the blessings, how much I love being the center of T's and everyone else's attention, how I love the gifts and my new sparkly, matching wedding band, and having a two-week long fantastic Caribbean honeymoon and yes, how much I love my new kitchen.
And it's okay to appreciate and be grateful for these things. But if love comes from God and is God, I can be assured that His desire is NOT that I spend my time and energy using the love He gives me on things rather than people.
So, I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to appreciate while acknowledging that everything I have is undeserved and a gift from Him that he reserves the right to revoke at any time, and that I am called to be joyful regardless. I'm trying to see Him moving in all areas of my life-- not just those that are shiny and new and exciting because of my new marriage and new job. I'm trying to remember that every time I approach anything with an "ALL MINE" attitude I am both insulting the Creator by whom and for whom everything is created, and also insulting myself by believing that I am what really matters in my life.
HE is what really matters in my life.
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