Well folks, there are a lot of changes going on in the W and T household lately! The biggest one being that in a few short weeks, we'll be moving back to the South! I cannot even begin to describe my joy over this development. Nashville, TN has had a hold on my heart for many years now, and I am thrilled to be putting down roots there. Heck, we're even buying a house! Many exciting things to look forward to this summer.
One of the hardest parts of making the decision to move was knowing that I would have to give up my job here in Chicago. Getting this job was one of the happiest days of my life. This was the dream job, the job that I have thrived in, the job that is the perfect fit of my passions and skills. And 8 months in, we decided to leave. I was crushed.
But the decision had to be made, and it was and is the right decision for our family. Plus there's the whole thing that in just a few years I may have to evaluate what to do about working and/or having kids. Isn't it crazy how early that reality sets in? That's another post for another time I think.
Anyway, I was crushed. I prayed and I looked for other jobs and I networked. I sulked. I tried to pretend that I could get another job that would be as great. It didn't work. I focused on how awesome it was going to be having the summer off to get settled. I thought about how blessed we are that we can afford, as a young married couple, for me to be unemployed for 2 or 3 months. I scanned through all of my ideas for fun places I could travel to and cool places I could visit while not working. And I was still crushed. And rather faithless.
Fast forward a number of weeks, and the Lord has come through in a HUGE way. In an entirely unexpected turn of events (given the current size of their staff and the lack of expected turnover), the Tennessee office of my current organization was able to create a new position and today I was approved to transfer into it. While I don't get to keep my original dream job, I get to stay with my dream organization and start a new chapter in a new area. What a huge, huge blessing. And for three weeks, I even get to be the breadwinner in our family, and I get to tell T what he needs to do while I'm out working to bring home the bacon! For some reason, this is really enticing to me. But again, that's probably for another post.
...For some reason, until today, I was consistently full of doubt that the Lord would come through.
When has the Lord EVER failed me? He hasn't! When have I ever been left to overcome an insurmountable obstacle on my own? I haven't! Even when the answer does not look how I would expect or desire, the Lord has never left me in a place that he hasn't redeemed for His good, and ultimately, that's what is best for me as well.
I am embarrassed, on days like these, of the smallness of my faith and by my lack of patience. I can think through the seasons of my life and clearly trace his influence and path, and yet every time I get to a point where the next step is unclear, I crumble. Days like today remind me that even when I can't see where I'm going, the Lord is actively putting in place the building blocks of whatever will become the next step. And it's a comforting thought.
So today, I revel in the knowledge that my God is for me and not against me, that he has given me hope and a future, that he listens to the desires of my heart and that I matter to him.
And for tomorrow, when I am doubtful again, I will remember today.