I've really been feeling like my brain is cloudy lately... I don't know what it is. Maybe I need to be journaling, writing, and blogging more to try to clear some of my thoughts out? Who knows. In any case, I haven't been on here because I haven't had many cohesive thoughts to share. I hope that maybe this will turn it around!
Recently, I was thinking about "that girl." You know...that girl. I suppose that "that girl" can mean many things, but in this case I'm referring to the one in Christian circles that terrifies all of the young women who meet her. She's terrifying in that she's so freakin' awesome... and pretty... and single.
Okay, you know exactly who I'm talking about. She's on every campus on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ (or should I say "Cru"?!). She leads YoungLife for high school students. She mentors young adult single women through the church. For heaven's sake you are reading her books and blogs now and probably listening to her sing your favorite worship song! Everyone who is active in a Christian ministry knows that girl. She is in her mid- to late-30s and incredible... She's fun, she's hip, she loves Jesus like most of us love sleeping, she's radiant, she's beautiful, and she is probably the wisest person to walk the earth since Solomon.
And she is terrifying. Her very presence strikes fear in the hearts of her disciples. Why? Because we cannot possibly understand how she can be so darn fantastic and remain unmarried. We grab coffee with her and spend 80% of our time thinking "for the love of God, I would marry this woman if I could!" And we look at her perpetually ring-less finger and we fight off this little voice in our heads that says "that could be you, you know..."
And we become terrified because we know that that little voice is right. Give us 5, 8, 10 years and we could be those girls, certainly. Give us one or two more bad relationships and, holy cow, I'm that girl.
We know this terror isn't right, though... right? We shouldn't fear this woman in the way that most of us single women do. The reality is that her singleness is what has made her incredible. She is wise and radiant in her love for the Lord because He has been her focus... He has been her sustenance. She has determined that if God is not giving her a spouse (now or ever), she'll let Him rightfully fill this space. This is what we should want. But, naturally, we don't... because the ring and the dress and the attention and the sex and the security and the husband all seem better. We clearly believe that they are better. If we didn't, we wouldn't be so afraid of becoming that girl, would we?
I read a quote today that was really convicting along these lines. I pray that you'll read it, think about it, and maybe it'll move your heart.
Time for some honesty. Sometimes I think that we try to shove God into the role of spouse because we want a husband more than we want God. We try to fit the omnipresent God of the Universe into the mold of ‘lover’ because we want Him to make us less lonely, make us feel more loved, give us a hug.
At the end of the day, it’s not Him that we want. We want to feel wanted, and we’re happy to ‘worship’ God if He can make that happen. We’ll use Him to serve our purposes.
God won’t be used. He is too big to be squished into one role in our lives. He is more than a husband and He is more than a father and He is more than a friend, and He won’t pretend to be less than He is.
Powerful, right? It comes from a blog I follow regularly at www.fabsharford.com, if you're interested in reading the rest. It certainly has made me think... and it's made me consider that I really need to accept being "that girl," whether or not it's in God's will for me. Because the reality is that whether I end up there or not, 1) it's already been decided and 2) it's no better or worse than the alternative. God's bigger and better than any husband. Perhaps one of these days I'll truly get that through my head?!
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