Saturday, July 16, 2011

Burnt Biscuit Syndrome, by M

For all of the things (good and bad) that I took away from the "courtship" with Mr. Maturity, my favorite is the phrase "burnt biscuit." I'm not sure if this is a phrase that's common in the south, or maybe just common to Mr. Maturity's vocabulary... either way, I like it. You can use it a couple of different ways:

1) As an insult: "Last one over here's a burnt biscuit!"
2) As a threat: "Mom, this biscuit is burnt." "Say that one more time and I'll burnt biscuit you!" (Why do moms always say things like this?)
3) In a literal sense: "I prefer a non-burnt biscuit to a burnt biscuit"

or, my favorite...

4) As a simile/metaphor: "That meatloaf is as dry as a burnt biscuit!"

Maybe the alliteration is funny to me. Or maybe I just like to talk about biscuits because it makes me seem more like a native southerner than I really am. (Although, no one down here knows about the year mom did nothing but bake biscuits, and subsequently, we did nothing but eat them. What was that one recipe called - touch of grace? Also a funny phrase for a biscuit, if you ask me!) Anyway, at the end of the day, here's the thing about a burnt biscuit: it's passed over, left out, unappreciated, unwanted, and undesirable. I'm sorry, burnt biscuit, but it's rough going for you, my friend.

...I realized recently that my issue with singleness isn't that I need someone to tell me I'm pretty, or hold my hand, or take a nap with me, or make plans for Saturday night. I'm not significantly bothered by not having a sparkly ring, or not picking out and wearing a beautiful dress, or even not having sex for the forseeable future. I can deal with not having these things.

My issue with singleness is feeling like the burnt biscuit.

Moreoever, as I have recently discovered, my biggest issue is with everyone else potentially thinking I'm a burnt biscuit.

(I honestly do not know why this all didn't occur to me long ago. I've think I've been walking around these ideas for a long, long time, but only recently hit it on the head. Linguists, psychologists, and communication scholars say that we can't conceptualize an idea until we have a name for it. Perhaps Mr. Maturity's big purpose in my life was only to introduce me to "burnt biscuit"... ha!)

So, I've diagnosed myself with "Burnt Biscuit Syndrome"... now, burnt biscuit syndrome does not mean that you actually are undesirable, unwanted, passed over, etc. If that were the case, the diagnosis would just be "burnt biscuit." The syndrome, however, is when you feel like a burnt biscuit, even when you are not. Kind of like hypochondria for baked goods... It's a syndrome that is fed by lots and lots of lies that the world (and many would argue, Satan) feeds us about what makes us good and desirable as women. The good news, however, is that having a diagnosis means it's easier to craft a treatment plan. My plan? Romans 12:2 - renewing the mind.

Now that I know exactly what the problem is, I can use my "sword of the spirit" to cut those lies down as they attempt to creep into my brain. I can stand up for myself and say "I will not be a burnt biscuit, Satan, and you can't make me!" (haha I just pictured myself wielding this giant sword against an onslaught of buttery biscuits)

In all seriousness, though, this is a huge breakthrough for me. For months I have been praying "please, Lord, show me what about singleness is such a challenge for me." "Please teach me how to embrace singleness, to use it productively and not continue to chase after the idol of relationship." Now I get it. Now I can start working to convince myself of a couple of things:

1) Being single does not make me a less valuable person to God or others (au contraire, actually)
2) Being single does not put me on any kind of "B list" of adulthood.
3) Being single for this season does not mean I will automatically revert back to pre-dating, high school Monica.
3) Being single and being married is not on a vertical axis of desirability, but on a horizontal axis of timing.

I especially like that last one. (Doubly so because I made it up all by myself haha) I'm honestly starting to feel better about singleness already. Thanks God, and Mr. Maturity, for bringing this to light for me!

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