I have a lot of thoughts and ideas floating through my brain right now, and unfortunately, very little time to record them here. I'm hoping that after we get a few more "big wedding decisions" made in the next few weeks, my brain will regain some space and my calendar will, too. haha Here's hoping!
So, really, I'm just writing this time to give you all a little glimpse into my brain these last couple of weeks. I can't say that I've gotten anything all figured out, or that this is meant to be conclusive or profound in any way. Just the humble reflections of a simple girl who is dearly loved by God. Maybe it'll be interesting to you...?
This season of life has been a little strange for me. Not strange in a bad way, but strange in an "I can't believe this is really happening" kind of way. You see, like probably every other girl in the universe, I've been waiting for this season for a long time and I've watched many other people experience it through the years, thinking to myself "when will it be my turn?" And I'm not necessarily talking about just the engagement ring or just the wedding planning... but moreso this feeling of like "finally... things are right." I've been around long enough to know that these seasons are few and far between when it seems as though everything has fallen into place! And, honestly, it feels strange to be the one living it instead of being the one watching and (honestly) envying from the sidelines.
So I've been thinking and processing a lot about it. How can I enjoy this time, praise God for it, be a good steward of these blessings, and yet not forget where I've been, or what battles others may be facing at this time that I rejoice? I don't want to be so wrapped up in my own joy that I forget these things, you know? The best that I've come up with so far is this...
1) I can praise God shamelessly for doing "immeasurably more than all [I] asked for or imagined." (Ephesians 3:20). Seriously. My life these days is unbelievably good beyond all my imaginings or the things I thought to ask for. God has truly searched my heart, taken account of my needs, and graciously given me so much more than I have ever dreamed of. And I say this not from an arrogant heart but from a humble heart that is IN AWE of how great God is. A friend recently quoted some wise theologian and said, "we say 'God is good,' but the reality is 'goodness is God.'" Amen!
2) I can remember how far He has brought me. The Bible makes much of the discipline of remembering. How many times did prophets in the Old Testament proclaim to the people of Israel that they were meant to remember God's works on their behalf and then repent of their sin? Over and over and over, they were reminded... "hey, remember that time God fed you in the desert?" "Remember that time he led you safely out of Egypt?" "Remember that time that God spared your first-borns?" Etc, etc. etc. We are meant to remember as an act of worship. It helps put us in proper context with God. "I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago." (Psalm 77:11). In my life, in this season, remembering helps me to praise God for how much He has done for me; yet, it also helps me to keep in mind that seasons of joy come and seasons of pain come, and neither last forever. I can have confidence that just as the Lord walked with me and delivered me from seasons of pain in the past, He will be faithful to do the same for such seasons in the future. And they will come, but I need not fear it.
3) Finally, I can trust in the fact I am blessed and dearly loved outside of my circumstances. I'll be honest, it feels great to be in a stage where things are happy, easy, and comfortable(!). I waited a long time for this stage! However, I don't want to preach the prosperity gospel, or send a message to anyone that this season for me means that I'm somehow "more blessed" than I was in the past, or "more blessed" than anyone else in this life. I want to praise and worship the Giver and not the gifts. I want to praise God for who He is, outside of what He does. So, I'm blessed now that I'm getting married in less than 6 months, and was blessed 2.5 years ago when I remember vividly being a sobbing heap on my closet floor (yes, that happened). Our prize is not jobs or husbands or income or anything, but God himself and the "glory that is to be revealed to us." (Romans 8:18)
So, those are my thoughts. This turned out much longer and deeper than I anticipated. Hope y'all enjoyed it... or at least kept reading until the end!