Remember that last post of mine, by W, where I spent the whole thing talking about how I'm constantly afraid that something is going to happen to T?
Well, something happened.
During a trip to the ER on Sunday, T was diagnosed with a heart condition. Shouldn't be life threatening provided that he follows the doctor's protocol of meds and dietary changes, keeps his immune system up, and goes in for check-ups every now and then.
I've been doing okay, just like I said I would in the last post. And no, when I wrote the last post I did not have any idea that we'd be making a trip to the ER anytime soon. As a way to feel a bit of control during this whole process, I have taken on the role of T's caregiver/nurse/maid...wife?
The last few days seem to have been a period of pseudo-marriage. Because T is both sick and still has a job, and because I am not sick and do not have a job, it has been easy for me to step in and take over the reins in his care. Cue me calling to schedule a cardiologist appointment for am echocardiogram, working to get medical records faxed over from his pediatrician, scouring the web for appropriate dietary items, cleaning his apartment to get rid of germs that may re-infect later, picking up fish oil supplements, having his watch fixed so he can check his pulse 4 times a day, packing lunches so he can take low-sodium, non-processed food to work the next day... is this what wives do??
There is a part of me that is like, "Good grief! You've turned into a 1950's doormat of a woman! You're packing a brown-bag lunch for a fully grown man!" Another part of me feels proud that in these ways, I am doing my best to keep him healthy and working. Another part of me feels like I have nothing better to do anyway, and since he works ALL THE TIME, its nice to have a few ways to show my love since spending time together isn't an option.
And I feel blessed that since I don't have a job, I CAN do all these things and go with him to his appointment on Friday with my long list of questions that are much more important than T's main inquiry: "When can I drink beer again?"
It's funny how God works. His timing is always perfect, even when it doesn't make sense to us. He knew on Friday, during my last day of work, that T would start having chest pains the following day. He knew that my fear, when I wrote that last blog post, was about to be realized just a few days later and He gave me the strength to show that I will be okay no matter what happens. He has given me a new role and a new way to serve now that my teaching job has ended, and he's given T an available, supportive, almost-wife who can take care of the logistics of where we proceed from here while he's either sleeping or working.
If this is what being a wife is than I'm excited. Not because it's super fun caring for a sick companion, not because my worrying has gotten any less, or because I just love packing lunches, but because it's starting to feel like its me and T, on a journey together, trying to navigate this new road together, laughing and supporting each other to do what each of us needs to do to be our best selves so we can be the best for each other and the best for our Lord.
And that's what we're doing. Feel free to keep T and our relationship and my anxiety in your prayers. The future W household appreciates it!