I’m on a dating fast. For real. I’m on a dating fast of an undetermined length… not less than 6 months, not more (Lord willing) than a year-ish. I’m on a dating fast until I figure out how to be single the right way… and, really, how to date the right way. I am experiencing a mix of denial and terror about this. But, it really needs to happen, and not just for the sake of staying single to keep up the novelty of this blog. So, how did I reach this decision? Let me try to answer how I got here…
I suppose there are a lot of ways to answer that question. I got here because God appointed me to get here long before any of us ever existed. I got here because mom graciously carried two babies in her womb for 8 longggg (as she loves to remind us) months. I got here, to this blog specifically and writing about love and dating specifically, because I’ve taken a long, winding, and (sometimes) unfortunate path through a variety of relationships that have, well… ended. Some better than others.
To start my story, you should know that I spent the great majority of my adolescent years un-involved and un-attached. That’s a nice way of saying that until I hit 18 no one ever liked me. Now, at the time that was a pretty significant reality that burned some ideas into my head that have been hard to undo. Although, looking back, it’s clear that the issue was not that I was totally undesirable, the issue was that my attitude (what I like to call “the vibe”) made me undesirable. I was too busy, too closed off, too wrapped up in my own agenda to be remotely accessible to anyone. W will attest that this included my own family. ANYWAY, the moral of the story is that W spent high school getting more dates and more interest than I did… and I had my first kiss at 17 on the stage of The Music Man during that LONG musical interlude when Marian the Librarian and the Music Man himself meet a final time on the bridge and spend 90% of the instrumental interlude in full-on makeout. I digress.
Shortly after starting my senior year of high school, I finally got a boyfriend, learned how to be vulnerable, experienced my first real kiss at 18, and officially began the phase of my life that we’ll call “the dating years.” Currently I’m about 7 years in, and I can now confidently say that (for better or worse) I have made up for lost time both in the number of months/years I’ve spent in relationships AND the amount of ridiculous drama and happenings I’ve encountered. Frankly, one of the main catalysts for “how I got here” is that after my most recent breakup, enough people told me that I should write a book that I figured… well, why not at least start with a blog? So here I am. Feel free to come along for the ride…
The Flop (yes, that’s his alter-ego) aka the high school boyfriend. The first kiss. The flop itself (I’ll spare you the details but let’s just say it’s as floppy and sloppy as it sounds). We “expiration dated” until the very day before we left for college. Lesson learned: no expiration dating.
The Rebound. Twin #1. The longest relationship. The most convenient (we lived on the same floor of the dorm for 2/3 of the relationship). I was dumped on family vacation in Hawaii. Lesson learned: No more twins. Twin + twin = codependence.
The Class Clown. Long-distance relationship #1. 100 days apart on two separate continents. He eventually grew to love my dog more than me. We broke up approximately 91 times. Lesson learned: Break up once… and walk away.
The Narcoleptic. Twin #2 (didn’t I vow to say no to twins?). Long distance relationship #2 (didn’t I know how miserable it is?). Broke up with me by phone in the middle of my very serious job-health-life crisis. Did I mention the secret narcolepsy I discovered 4 months in? Lesson learned: No more long distance relationships.
Mr. Maturity. Good job. “Such a nice guy.” Courtship. Respected him until he let a 30 year-old woman move into his ONE BEDROOM apartment... with him. He didn’t understand why it was a problem for me. (Yes, mom, this really happened. I didn’t tell you because it was just too strange and embarrassing). Lesson learned: Non-committal is non-committal, no matter what you call it.
Those are the big ones… with a few other notable but far less significant “in between” guys, including the B-list Canadian rock star and the one we like to call The Hep (yes, Hep as in Hepatitis). Whew!
So yeah... That’s why I’m on a dating fast. I am spent. I am over it. I feel like I have binged on dating and now it’s time to detox. I hope to accomplish a number of objectives during this fast (which I am sure to talk about in much more detail in forthcoming posts) including:
-being better at making and having friends
-learning to enjoy cooking
-building trust and faith in God’s plan and not my own
-finding satisfaction in God’s love for me
We’ll see how it goes. Lord, help me be faithful!