I just love W's previous post... it's such a fresh breath of reality, right!? Why does the world tell women that we're never quite good enough at anything, ever? (Shoutout to Captivating by John and Stasi Eldrige for the thought that women's biggest fear is being simultaneously too little AND too much - I agree. I think the world sends us this message all day every day).
W's post is a perfect lead-up, too, to what I was already planning on writing about today! (Sometimes that just happens when you're twins, I guess!)
Okay, so here's the deal: I am absolutely blessed to have been given some pretty AMAZING and FANTASTIC Jesus-loving women to surround myself with. Seriously. I recognize this fact and give thanks for it every.single.day. My mom, grandma, sisters, mentors, and friends are the cream of the crop, in my humble opinion! I feel beyond blessed to get to observe them, and at times, be a part of their lives as they live out Christ's calling and witness to others in a beautiful way. The amount that they've impacted my life and my walk with Christ is hard to even fathom.
That said... I've been wrestling with a thought lately that I think is relevant here. I’m surrounded by all of these fantastic women and I catch myself sometimes wondering… worrying… thinking "wow, this or that is so phenomenal about this or that woman… I’m not sure I have that. I’m not sure I AM that…" It’s so easy, SO EASY to fall into the temptation to compare or envy when you have such awesome people in your life! However, it’s so potentially dangerous to do that. And the tricky thing is to try to find a healthy, God- and self-honoring balance. I’m not sure I’m quite there yet.
On the one hand, these emotions are useful up to a point. It’s probably a great thing to recognize qualities and character traits in other people that I find to be "biblically attractive" (haha I totally just made that phrase up, but I like it! I might trademark it!) Meaning, traits that I find to be attractive in light of what the Bible tells us we’re supposed to do and be. So, I see the women in my life being "biblically attractive"… having patience, having joy, being fruitful (with their lives lol not just meaning ‘having children’ ha!), just loving the Lord, etc and it can be convicting. It’s probably a good conviction; it’s likely a call to help us realize that none of us have arrived, and that Christ yet is perfecting us daily, and some of us have strengths that others are waiting on and vice versa.
But then there’s that other hand… the one that sees these great things in these great people and tells us that we’re lacking if we don’t have them. It’s the lie that says we’ll never be as good as this person, never be as attractive as this person, never be wanted as this person may be wanted, never be loved fully, until we figure out how to be this and that which we are lacking. It’s clear that these are lies that are NOT from God… however, how often do we believe them? How often do we look to our left and right and see women that have what we don’t have and are what we think we aren’t and we just feel… defeated? We compare and we envy and we may even allow resentment to grow in our hearts towards God and towards these women if we’re not careful. I know I’ve been there.
So what gives? Where is the line that tells us where these emotions stop being helpful and start being hurtful? How can we know in which areas Christ is planning on changing us for the better and which areas he’s purposefully made us just like we are?
I mean, I’m not totally sure. But, I do have at least a jumping-off point… scripture. (haha big surprise there, right!?) In order to try to maintain a healthy viewpoint on this issue, we need to know exactly what is attractive to God, not man. We need to know what God loves about us and in us, and not concern ourselves with anything else. We need to know the character of Christ to know how God is likely to mold us and how He may not. So what does the Bible say?
"...The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness." Galatians 5:22
The famous Proverbs 31 wife:
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight" 1 Peter 3:3-4 (I think W just mentioned this one?)
Etc. Which means two things... God is pretty explicit about the things that He thinks are valuable and attractive. There are a definitely some things listed above that are awesome and wonderful and worthy of emulating. However, there are also many things that are NOT listed above. So, here are just a few examples of what the Bible DOESN’T say.
-Thou shalt play sports
-The wife of noble character cooks more than 5 recipes well
-Honor your body by shaving your legs daily
-And so God created man in his image, and woman in the image of Gisele.
-Assertiveness is pleasing to me
-Spontanaeity is the key to eternal life
-Lovest animals as I have loved you
Etc. In other words, I think that means that God's okay with the great majority of those "things I don't do." And THAT’S OKAY. In fact, that's awesome!
It means, when I look at other women and note to myself "Wow, she really loves cooking and is much better at it than me" … I need to check the thought that comes next. I need to make sure that what feeds my next thought is true conviction and not false comparison. It’s easy to go straight into "AHHHH she’s going to be such a better wife than me and OMG I’m going to be alone forever and everyone’s going to realize that she’s a better catch and I’m sucky at being a woman and so on and so on…" However, the real capital-T Truth is that those are all lies. The truth is that God undoubtedly knows that He created me without this inborn love of cooking, so it’s possible (dare I say likely?) that He created a man for me that won’t be too bothered by it. It's true that my worth as a woman, an heiress of God, is dependent NOT on my ability to cook more than 5 things. Isn't that a relief!?
So, my thinking about it is this: if the envy or the comparisons lead us closer to God and closer to a Christ-like character, then I say go ahead and use that conviction for good. However, last time I checked, I don’t think Christ did all that much cooking OR looked like Gisele… so I think, otherwise, it’s more beneficial to know the truth and rest in the knowledge that God created each and every one of us exactly as He wanted us... and for the great majority of us, He also created someone else exactly as He wanted them FOR us.
And if that means that I don’t ride roller coasters or that I avoid onions like the plague… that’s okay. If that means that 90% of the men I meet are turned off by those "things I don't do"... that's okay. (Gulp). If Jesus is okay with it, I’m okay with it. Besides, if I'm becoming more like Jesus every day, and my future hubby is too (God willing!) those "things I do do" should be shining far brighter than the absence left by those things I don't.
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