For those of you who have recently started reading this blog, you may feel a little betrayed to know that W actually isn't married... yet. She will be tomorrow, but not yet as of today. We're leaving to go to the rehearsal in approximately 25 minutes, and while everyone else runs around downstairs like mad women, I'm upstairs blogging away. Oops?
I have a couple of thoughts swirling around my head regarding the wedding and the whole W-being-married and me-being-very-single thing, as can probably be expected. And while I've had my periods of being VERY excited, and my periods of being moderately depressed, I can confidendly say that the reigning emotion I feel since getting home about a day and a half ago has been gratitude for God's grace in giving me singleness right now. That seems strange and even almost unbelievable coming from me. But it really has been a gift, and here's why:
W's whole relationship and engagement to T has fallen on VERY bad timing for me. Here's a brief rundown:
-W and T started dating approximately three weeks after my 8th and final breakup to Mr. Class clown in 2009.
-W and T got engaged exactly 4 days after my breakup with Mr. Sleepyhead in 2010.
-W had her bachelorette party exactly 3 days after my breakup with Mr. Maturity about 2 and a half months ago.
Needless to say, all of these big marriage milestones have been largely bittersweet for yours truly. I feel bad about this. I know that W has carried with her for nearly all of her relationship and engagement the burden of not trying to be too happy or too excited about her situation given the frequent opposite nature of mine. It makes me a little sad that for most of the milestones I literally couldn't share in her joy. It is what it is.
However, as I participate in this wedding weekend, I find myself strangely kind of thrilled that I'm undamaged these days. I realize that I would MUCH rather be here alone today and tomorrow, than face all the mushy gushy marriage feelings with someone who is not right by my side. I am deeply relieved and grateful to not have W's wedding photos be a graveyard of another relationship of mine that might fail. Glad I don't have her wedding memories tied up with what may have become ex-boyfriend memories, too.
I'm totally confident that God is purposeful in keeping me "very single" for this big event in W&T's life, but also in mine. I wish I knew what the purpose is... but I'm okay being not quite sure for now. Maybe it's because my husband is actually one of W and T's Jesus-loving male friends who will also be attending? (That's what W would have me believe! ha!) At one point I thought it was because super-cute William from the Bachelorette lives in Galloway, Oh... the site of the wedding. Maybe I'd run into him!? (Now that I've seen his true colors, I'm happy to walk away from that one lol). Maybe it's because God has my secret hubby somewhere around the corner and for whatever reason it's not the right time yet. Maybe God just wanted me to enjoy the wedding weekend with no drama and no regrets. In any case, I'm just fine with it.
W will likely not be posting for a while, while she skips across the Caribbean for two weeks in wedded bliss... looks like you just have to get used to me! haha I will do my best to put up pictures and write a thorough wedding update once I have a second!